You're all still upright, most of you. This is the, if I'm counting correctly, the third day. And it's the halfway point of the sashin. This is the halfway point of the sashin. If you don't count, it's the halfway point. If you don't count, it's the halfway point. And... Is the light okay, too bright, or is it... Is the light too bright? Yeah. Could you turn it down a little, do you mind? Okay. Is that a little more?

[01:03]

That's good? All right. We can turn it off and there's a spotlight here. Wouldn't improve anything I say. No, I don't care. Well, as you can see, Ulrike looks different today. And she decided to cut her hair. And actually Ulrike and I both have gotten I guess the same kind of flu that Gerald had and I think Michael has. I don't have it so badly, but Ulrike is pretty sick. And I asked her if she's going to translate today, and she said she didn't think she could.

[02:05]

Can you hear Neil? Okay. But I told Ulrike, if she would translate, she'd get the... Gérald Weishütte Memorial Prize for looking like a Zen student. And she said, would I get it if I just came and listened? So I told her she'd still get the prize for... Well, of course I have some feeling of what I'd like to speak with you about.

[03:43]

And as most of you know, I often don't exactly know how to say it. When I give a lecture like I did in Hamburg the other day, I pretty much know. I didn't know what I was going to say when I got there, but what I said, I knew. In other words, what I chose or came up to talk about, I knew how to talk about. Mm-hmm. And many people say they like that level of lecture. It's quite accessible. But I'd get bored if I only gave lectures like that.

[04:44]

And I can't see the red light. I think I'm not alive if I don't see the red light. And also it's more characteristic of Zen, and particularly practicing in a sashin, that my lecture itself is practice for me. It is also characteristic for Zen and for the art of Sashin that... that in a Sashin, particularly the lecture itself, is practice for me.

[05:46]

So Neil and I have to find out what kind of rhythm to have him translate. So be patient with us, please. Or we could learn how to translate. When you just do it and don't see it, it just happens, right? Suzuki Roshi used to say to us, you should have a soft mind. And particularly in English, this is, I don't know what it sounds like in German, but it sounds pretty strange in English.

[06:55]

Because to be soft-headed... is to be kind of stupid or... Yeah. Yeah. The same in German to me. So I knew that... Anyway, excuse me. Thank you for moving a little, because I feel funny if people are behind me when I'm speaking. I feel impolite, so I'd like it if you could sit a little forward. Thank you. But I knew he didn't mean soft-headed, so it took me a long time, actually, to understand what he meant by a soft mind.

[07:59]

Partly he meant a feminine mind. A more feminine mind, even a grandmotherly, we say, mind. But soft mind is also connected with mind which is like a mountain. So that's what I'm trying to talk about today. So you're sitting, obviously. You're sitting all day long now for the end of the third day. And it's actually quite an achievement just to stay on your cushion in any position for this long. Watching Mike Bossier sit reminds me of most of my early sashins.

[09:18]

And some of you also, other than Mike, make me think of my early sashins. My knees... Like when you ride in a Trabi, my knees covered my ears. And Sikhi Roshi used to be so discouraged and say, you should sit in a chair. And I bicycled to the Zendo every morning and sometimes he said, you should just stay home. But after a few Sashins, a few years, I learned how to sit most of the way through a Sashin. And if you keep doing this, you'll realize how much you learn, even in your first sashi.

[10:27]

I mean, what you learn in a sâshin and through practice helps in many ways right away. But the real help and the deep change occurs if you continue practicing. That's really not just an encouragement to keep practicing, it's quite true. So when you can just in some position stay on your cushion, you're beginning to find some kind of place

[12:00]

in the middle of change. Now sometimes you may have a dream in which parts of the dream surprise you. Or in the beginning of the dream you don't know something and by the end of the dream what you don't know is revealed in the latter part of the dream. I think this must be a common experience, isn't it? So that, I mean, since it's you, you think, how could you not know it in the dream?

[13:12]

Since it's your dream, how can the latter part of a dream know something the earlier part of a dream didn't know? Partly it's like, will my lecture, the latter part of my lecture, know something the earlier part of my lecture doesn't know? And partly it's that the story needs to come to a fruition for it to be revealed, because it's in the story, but it's not in the beginning part of the story. This must be hard to translate, I'm sorry. The... the fruition is in the story, and the story, when it's not yet at fruition, in the beginning part, it's not there.

[14:23]

It's not there until it comes out in the story. And what I mean is, there's a kind of thinking going on that is separate from your cognitive thinking. As soon as you have cognitive thinking about something, cognitive thinking knows the beginning, end and middle. But in this dream, which is your dream and you're not separate from, you're not separate from it and yet it's somehow also separate from you and knows things you don't know yet. You understand the idea?

[15:32]

Okay. We say the word for detachment actually means detached yet not separate from. Detachment. means separate yet not separate. It means you're detached yet you're not separate. You could say you're separate and yet not separate. So how do you find, for example, wait, let me start again. In this dream, it's your dream so you're not separate from it. And yet, because you're somewhat detached, the dream knows things you don't know.

[16:36]

Or rather you know things that you won't know through attachment. Er weiß Dinge, die ihr nicht wissen könnt, wenn ihr anhaftet. I feel like I'm testing you. You can translate these difficult things. It's hard for me to say it in English, so I don't know how you're managing to say it in German. Okay. So detached, yet not separate from. What is this? Now, part of what I've been saying yesterday and today is actually a commentary on Shoyuroku's book of serenity, koan number 37.

[17:51]

37. Now, in one of the stories, anecdotes recounted in that koan, is... A monk asks Yunyan, it says in the Flower Ornament Treatise that the immutable that the fundamental affliction of ignorance The fundamental sickness, you're a doctor.

[19:09]

Okay, the fundamental affliction of ignorance is the immutable knowledge of the Buddhas. is the indescribable knowledge of the Buddhas. The fundamental affliction of ignorance is the immutable knowledge of the Buddhas. And then it says, this is profound and mysterious to the extreme. Difficult to understand. Now, maybe I'm trying to give you something that is difficult to understand.

[20:10]

But this is also very, very basic Zen Buddhism. If there's any teaching that Zen Buddhism is primarily... Based on, it would be the flower ornament teachings. And the Prajnaparamita, of course. And it's actually a way of talking about the fact, of course, that you're sitting here in the midst of your problems and also practicing Buddha's posture. And you started out camping out here on your meter square in the midst of this rainy November in northern Deutschland.

[21:28]

And I think for many of you, you are now camping out in a lot of sorrow. And this weather is very good for that. It's crying outside and you can cry inside. Dark tears on the roof. Black tears on the roof. And this koan also says that phrase which I mentioned the first hot drink evening. On the boundless road we have much sorrow.

[22:39]

We have so much sorrow. The boundless road means emptiness, means everything, and yet, although it's boundless, we have so much sorrow. And you are practicing Buddha's way, and yet you have so much sorrow. And for some of you, I think this sorrow has the first chance to come out in very clear ways in Sesshin. And that's good. You'll be sitting on our sorrow, in our sorrow. This is the first truth of Buddhism, the truth of sorrow or suffering or affliction.

[24:01]

So, again, the Flower Ornament Treatise says the fundamental affliction of ignorance is the immutable knowledge of the Buddhas. How can that be true? This is also just a way of saying, what is existence? And this is the main question of this form of Buddhism, of Zen Buddhism. In other words, that's really the question you're putting to yourself or living in the midst of all the time. What is this existence?

[25:13]

Or just existence, existence, existence. What is it? And this practice is bigger than Buddhism, enlightenment, freedom from suffering and so forth. It's bigger than religion or spiritual life. You're facing this question by the fact of your existence. What is existence? And maybe there's no enlightenment. That's tough luck. I'm not making any promises. And if there isn't, then still, that's your existence.

[26:26]

And maybe there's no spiritual life. Just this, what's happening right now. There's nothing other than this. So this question, what is existence, is bigger than religion, enlightenment, freedom from suffering, etc. There may be no freedom from suffering. I may have this cold flu the rest of my life. It wouldn't surprise me Even with my doctor translating I try to keep my doctor near me I'm his doctor and he's my doctor

[27:34]

except I have less medicines. So this monk says again, excuse me for repeating it over and over, this monk says again to Yunnan, It says in this flower ornament treatise that the fundamental affliction of ignorance is the immutable knowledge of the Buddhas. This is mysterious and profound to the extreme. Very difficult to understand. Yunnan says, oh, no. It's completely clear and easy to understand. And there's a young boy sweeping nearby. And he says to the young boy, Mike.

[29:11]

To Elke. And Mike says, yes. Yes. And Yunnan turns to the monk who asked him the question. and says, see, this is the immutable knowledge of the Buddhas. Then he turns to the person and says, what is your Buddha nature? And the boy sweeping looks confused, hesitates and leaves. So Yunnan then says to the monk, you see, this is the fundamental for affliction of ignorance. Now, the teaching of Zen masters like Yunan was often like this, very clear, simple, and yet actually quite difficult to understand, wasn't it?

[30:18]

So let's look at this. When I say, Mike, and Mike says yes, This is quite direct. But when I say, what is your Buddha nature, Mike starts to think. And Buddha nature is nowhere present. So this is understood, now if I try to make this sort of mechanical so you can get it, I get the feel of it.

[31:37]

This is understood as two different minds. The mind that says yes and the mind that hesitates. These are not the same mind, they are two different minds. So the skill in practice is not becoming more intelligent or more informed about Buddhism so you can answer the question, what is Buddha nature? Yeah, you may get good at that, but that would just be an adept form of ignorance. But the question is, can you maintain the state of mind that says, yes? This is not easy to do actually.

[32:56]

This is the state of mind that is detached and yet not separate from. When I say, what is your name? And he says, Mike. It's a funny name for a Dutchman. When he says Mike, he's not Mike, he's just a sound Mike. So the practice, coming back to one-pointedness, the practice of one-pointedness is actually to be able, as I said yesterday, to stay with one thing in a field. You know? or to stay with the field itself.

[34:16]

Now, Suzuki Roshi's instructions were, the basic instructions were, again, to sit still. And I can remember, I don't remember the context, but speaking with him about someone who sat pretty still. And he remarked, oh, yes, but inside that person is still moving. It's quite difficult not to move inside. It may be impossible. And I remember another context where he talked about how difficult it is not to have some slight movement. Now what he meant was

[35:17]

Not that there's no activity at all. If you're alive, there's some activity. But that you can actually stay settled on something, inside and outside. I recently moved most of my things from Santa Fe to Crestone. And so I have a small room in Crestone, but we've mostly moved to... We have a small room in Santa Fe, but we've mostly moved to Crestone. And in the process I found a photograph, I'm finding old things, and I found an old photograph of Suzuki Roshi and Katagiri Roshi.

[36:36]

By the way, let me change the topic for a moment here. For those of you who were in the last Sashin at Murielak And I talked quite a bit, I think, about his son. Anyway, he died in September. Did some of you not know that? You didn't know? He was great. He died wonderfully. And I learned a lot of things from his dying. And I'll say something about it because it fits in with what I'd like you to know and also it fits in with the lecture.

[37:40]

He's the first person I've been with during their dying who had enough inner strength, had accumulated enough strength through practice, to practice with their own dying. He was the first person with whom I was together during his death, who had gathered enough strength in his practice to practice and practice with his death. So you are Suzuki Roshi? Different from Suzuki Roshi. Excuse me, other than. Other than. Except that. Other than, yeah. She wouldn't have minded. Some of you actually, I think, sent some financial help to Ihsan and things. That was very nice of you.

[38:50]

Anyway, because he was taking or had been taking various medicines, and there's a certain confusion that comes from the medicines and so forth. I was wondering if he could even be clear enough despite his practice to practice with his own death. We both knew he had the strength, but still we didn't know whether he could do it and if life and death are a mystery and you don't know. But he recognized that his dying was over, dying being language,

[39:54]

and that he was facing a mystery. At one point I said to him, two or three days before he died, he was sleeping, I said, is there anything I can do for you, Ihsan? And I said it in a pretty low voice, and I thought he was asleep. Five seconds or ten seconds passed. And then his head came up. He said, you mean something more? That was his attitude about everything.

[41:11]

There was always enough. I said to him once, too, I wish I could change places with you, Esen. He said, you'll get your chance. So we did a ceremony installing Steve Allen as the abbot of the center. And then he spent The next two days just greeting people who came. He sat up in bed and people came waiting from early in the morning to see him in the afternoon even. And the third day after the ceremony, Wednesday, he rolled over in bed and just concentrated. And his intent worked right underneath And you could interrupt him, but basically he was just concentrating.

[42:29]

And then sometime in, I don't know, around six or seven o'clock, In the evening he got up to go to the toilet and he looked around and his room was full of people and his bed surrounded by people and his disciples. And he looked at everybody and said, Is there somebody dying around here? I wasn't there. I would have said, you, you idiot. Anyway, he got up and went to the toilet and came back.

[43:36]

And then just before he died, he sat up again and looked in everybody's eyes and Then we did a funeral some days later. Which a couple of you came to America to attend. So I found this picture of Suzuki Roshi and Katagiri Roshi, who at that time was Katagiri Sensei.

[44:41]

And you look at the picture, and everybody who looked at it immediately could see Suzuki Roshi is completely there and completely not there. It's apparent in the photograph immediately. He could be the background of the altar. He could be part of the altar. But he's not there in that sense, but at the same time he was just there. And Katagiri Roshi, as I said then, Katagiri Sensei, who had just recently come from Japan as a pretty young person to help Suzuki Roshi, By the way, for those of you who might not know, Katagiri Roshi just died some months ago himself. Anyway, in this picture, it's clear that Katagiri Sensei is still sitting in his feeling and cognitive skandhas.

[45:46]

He's not sitting only in the form skandha. He's not sitting like a mountain. He's sitting in the middle of feelings and ideas about sitting. as most of us are. And rarely do people get to the point like Siddharthi where they just are totally one-pointed and one-pointedness. Now, until you can see The parts of yourself can't settle. I don't know how to express that except the parts of yourself, until you see the parts, it's like a costume which holds together.

[47:27]

Or I don't know if you've ever seen a cowboy movie set in the, say, 19th century. If you look closely way in the back across the chaparral of the desert, you see the shadow of a 747 go across. That's that little bush. And you begin to see the parts of the movie. But until then, you're taken in by You don't have a detachment.

[48:28]

You're in the movie. And maybe when you see the parts, maybe when you see the 747... you come back into the seat and you can see the movie and feel yourself in the seat of the theater. So this is being in the midst of your own story and your own sorrow and beginning to let the parts By being able to stay one-pointed, you begin to let the parts settle. Now, one-pointedness gives you a lot of strength anyway. If you can sit with a kind of immovable inner quality, inner feeling, The problems of your life are more like the wind and the trees and the mountain, but the mountain itself is quite good.

[49:54]

But that is only one aspect of this, only one benefit of this one-pointedness. A deeper point is that you begin to have the tool, the equipment, to really see yourself. And strangely enough, or maybe not so strangely, it's closely connected with physical stillness. Now it's not so important that you sit physically still for all seven days. But what is important is hopefully during the seven days you have certain moments It may be only two or three moments, two or three minutes, or a period or two in which you really feel still.

[51:21]

Now I only got about a fourth or a third way through what I wanted to talk about. But I think that's enough for today. And my main encouragement for you is to try not to interfere with, don't force yourself, but try not to interfere with Those moments that arise when you're really still. Well, that mind that arises, that is really still.

[52:39]

Now, don't try to do anything with it. Don't think, oh, this is good, bad, or different, or now I should do something. Just... Allow yourself familiarity with this stillness. As if you were taking a little dip in a sauna of stillness. Or maybe a cool bath of stillness. Just get a feeling of that stillness. This in itself is A kind of knowledge.

[53:43]

This in itself is knowledge. Very important in your life. The moon has many phases. And all the phases of the moon are the full moon. The round moon itself is not the full moon. The full moon includes the crescent moon. And when you see the crescent moon, you see the full moon. Please practice in this way.

[54:37]

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