When we have more sense of self, particularly when we're making comparisons, and when we have less. And I think if you... you don't want to measure yourself by saying, boy, when this situation happened, I was really greedy. You know, I really don't like this guy or I'm jealous of this or that person. Greedy? Greedy is... Gierig. So, I really don't like this person or that person, and you're jealous or something.

[01:15]

You say, well, I'm still not free of myself. Then you are? And so you say, I'm not free of myself. Self is true. You don't want to measure yourself when you're most selfish. You want to measure yourself when you're least selfish. And notice so much of the time you're not so selfish. And you get a feeling for that. As I said the other day, you congratulate yourself. You're not so selfish all the time. And you take a certain pride, the Buddhist pride in that.

[02:21]

But then you add, but I could be a little less, a little more selfish, a little less selfish. Now that's a healthy dynamic. Now, I don't know if I can find in our field, as some of you said, a way to really feel that as things exist, they don't have any relationship to the self. They're not originally possessed by the self.

[03:30]

You bring in the self into the stream. So Dogen says, notice when you bring the self into the stream. Dogen says, notice when you bring the self into the stream. So you notice when you've brought self into the stream. The observer is not the self in this context. The observer is a special... the self is a special case of the observer. And we shouldn't confuse the sense of an observer with the existence of some kind of permanent soul or self. So again, If you develop the habit to notice when you bring in, when the self is more present or when it's less present, and you know that the now of each

[05:05]

moment in which you complete that which appears. Completed in the sphere, this larger body is defined by the Vimuddhimagga. There's no self until you put it there. So you can notice when you put it there, grossly. And you notice when you put it there a little bit. And you notice when you put it there implicitly. But you know at an intentional level, at the level of a view, that the nows of this world are not possessed by the self originally.

[06:17]

And when it's not possessed by the self, it's more an actualized moment. And that is the seed of Buddhas and the practice of Buddhas. And then he says, And now what is what exists without you doing this? Buddhas only exist because someone does this. And Buddhas will only exist for you if you do this. So this few sentences are an incredible kind of menu for enlightenment.

[07:31]

So you go into the Buddhist restaurant and you say, can I have the carton? And they give you this. You say, I'll have one of those nows. Yeah, okay. So anyway, I thought you might be able to make use of this. And sealing and so on? What is your problem with it being too embodied and in relationship to sealing or not being sealed. Get him saying it that way.

[08:32]

Yes. embodiment but that there are times where kind of leaking occurs And then to hold that in awareness I get a feeling for how to support that with the practice of sealing.

[09:35]

And you had a similar question. Yeah, it was in our little group and it was in connection with there is body feeling, if not pain, and it is as if the body is perceiving something that cannot come up into consciousness, into knowing what is it. But that's not leaking. Yeah, somebody brought in the connection between the two. Okay. Well, my experience is that the body's always got lots of things coming out that don't come up into consciousness. And I used to, when I had to, you know, as we've been discussing, asking questions... I would in a situation with Sukhiyoshi or Robert Duncan or whatever situation I was in with a teacher or with other people, where I had a responsibility to participate if I'm going to be there.

[10:55]

I would ask some questions, just something. I had some really pertinence. But I learned to kind of ask second or third generation questions. In other words, you let it, you can feel a question coming up, but you kind of know the answer, so it turns into a more subtle question. And these questions are connected with anxiety often because they really are pertinent to you. It's when you can really look stupid. Because it's something you care about, and if it's stupid, then you really care.

[12:15]

But I'd kind of light it well up. Do you have that expression somewhere? Like an artesian well, it just wells up. And the Bodhisattva is sometimes defined as an overflowing fountain, welling up. So when you hear that, you don't think, oh, bodhisattvas are something special. No. If it's something like welling up, maybe my welling up is something like being a bodhisattva. This is not something you can think your way to. You have to let it well up. It's kind of like a pain that you can't resolve, but you don't know what you're going to say.

[13:33]

And usually you can trust that even if it seems non-contextual, it probably is contextual. So you let it well up until it just comes out. And again, many of these things are skills. You get used to it. So often what I'm saying is a welling up. I have a few things I might talk about. But Really, the lecture of Taisho gets going if I let this welling up occur.

[14:40]

No, this welling up is connected with being sealed. Because it's not leaking. It's like artesian wells don't run dry, they just keep pushing more water up. leaking you feel depleted so the main thing I feel is not about sealing but about not leaking And the main way I learned that was that after Sashin, seven days of a kind of maturing of a presence or feeling.

[15:59]

If I talked about it, within less than seven minutes it was gone. So I had to learn how to talk about it and not lose it. But poets and painters know this. In the middle of a poem, you can't talk about the poem, or you lose the poem if you're writing the poem. But by learning to talk about it without losing it is also a process of sealing. But in general I feel we feel sealed when we also can feel a circle of the breath. When we feel sealed the body is the sphere of the body, as Moody Margaret says.

[17:24]

Then the contents of mind and perception, meditation and perception, the content of meditation and perception, is not coming from outside. It's kind of coming into the sphere of knowing. And then you don't feel invaded or wounded by someone else's psychic activity. But some very nice people on the surface are very skilful at making everyone around them leak. And, you know, I think we use as the Adarna also assembles.

[18:47]

It completes that what appears and it assembles. In that sense, it's not an element of an existence, it's a field that assembles. And I think that's not unrelated to Castaneda's sense of an assemblage point. Und das ist nicht unverbunden mit Castaneda's Vorstellung von einem assemblage point. Well, This is enough.

[20:12]

I guess it will have to be right that we have to stop. You know, having grown up in American musicals, movies, I sometimes feel these times after she'd burst into song, until we meet again or something, but I tried, I stood myself. So I think it would be good if we listened to the bell at least, if what am I singing? For a moment. For a moment, right? How do I say it? For a moment. 20 years? 20 years. Perhaps we'll continue to discover how to look into the layers

[22:46]

of what happens here when we're together, through our individual participation, our presence, and by the form of what we do. So I do hope we see each other again next year.

[23:28]

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