... even the room, but also the noises. And I have written a little experience about it. When I was still sitting alone in the broadcast yesterday, and I think he cleaned the altar and went back and forth more often, I heard his footsteps on the wood, and the wood made a noise. Thank you. Practice means for me just going through my life to study life 24 hours a day, wherever I am and what I do, and being in contact with life.

[01:12]

with liveliness and finding out how rich life is. and not coming from a point of view, from a more intellectual point of view, but finding out that important legal insights, for me, come more from a physical level, and daring to be in that space, and sometimes like There's something breaking on my surface, this kind of feeling, which is there. It's a very intense feeling. Yeah, let me, somehow let me fall more into life.

[02:24]

And it's kind of a deepening process. And in our group, I really liked to listen to the stories, the backgrounds, what other people told about the practice. And we stopped at a point where it could have gone on. It really became interesting. Thank you. For me it means to practice studying life, where I am and what I remember, and not only to study life, but also to let myself remember life and also to remember the vitality in every second and also to see how vital life actually is. and to have the courage, to trust me, to have the courage to let me into life.

[03:44]

Yes, I enjoyed it in the group, to listen to the very personal descriptions of others and to let them work on me. And yes, that could have continued for me. Thank you. We asked ourselves, when everything is practiced, how does it feel when you're not practiced? And my answer to that was, when I don't practice, I'm outside myself. And then it's a practice, it's another practice, or then it's a practice to then join inside and outside again.

[04:57]

Another point that is important to me or what keeps practice being interesting for me is that the exercises that Boshi suggests to us that I do the practices that Roshi suggests to us. These are always new experiments and it's fun to do them. And third, we should also think about what our goal is. I don't know what enlightenment is, but I wish I could. I don't know what enlightenment is, but I actually wish for it.

[06:39]

Thanks for admitting it. My practice means to try to live each moment of the day, to be inside, really inside myself each moment of the day. So, yeah, I just right now practice Sophia's citta, breathing. talking actually. Just a second ago it was sitting, breathing and listening. At least that's what it should have been. After all it's this mindfulness, acceptance, intensity and clarity. Yeah, and I think it also is to realize that if I go too far into detail, then everybody would be annoyed probably.

[07:53]

So that's basically what it is. It also is to realize that each moment is a possibility as well as a challenge. Right now it's more a challenge than a possibility, but it should become a possibility. Yes, in these seconds it is practice for me to sit here, to breathe and to talk. A short while ago it was to sit, to breathe and to listen.

[08:55]

And all in all, practice is actually mindfulness, intensity, clarity and acceptance. I don't really know what to say but in your lecture you were talking about not thinking about what to ask or to say so the sentence came to my mind just let the world speak to you which means practice is everywhere it's not the thinking about what is just the Observing. Feeling. German, please. I didn't know what to say until now.

[10:00]

But I always had this sentence in my head. Let the world speak. Let the world speak to you. and what Erdo said, that one thinks less about something than one observes or feels. Already in the small group I told people that I really don't have a Zen practice and that at first I was a little shocked When the question came and then I found out that actually I do have a form of practice

[11:16]

To summarize, it is the practice to be the wife of a practitioner. But it's No, my practice is more to feel good here. Sometimes it's very hard to not get drawn into this feeling of being excluded. I think it's my practice to not get caught by this feeling of being excluded, but more to get the feeling of where I feel good.

[12:43]

I believe this is my practice. Yes, I think that's my practice. Thank you. Yes, I also thought about it all the time, because I always ask myself why I practice. I also thought, all the time I thought about what to say or something. And I always ask myself, why do I practice? I don't practice for such a long time, only for two years. And at the same time I'm completely sure that I want to practice.

[14:04]

There is no doubt at all. My first pulse that got me into practice was to get out of the state of separateness. To connect with myself, with others in the world and to come to serenity and to get into the direction of ending suffering. In our group we went around and everybody said what they understand by practice, by this term

[15:38]

One person just said it was sasin. I myself said there is sasin and then there is that which is outside of sasin. And that would be then mostly a permanent practice of reminding yourself. Reminding yourself to be mindful, something like that. And what I noticed, everybody knows that, that I have difficulties with this in my job.

[17:03]

At home it works quite well. What I understand has practiced. In doing my job I always forget about it. Doing mental work, it's much harder in here. With the work here, that is mostly hands-on work, that's easier. Some people described it as they said they felt a wall and in your lecture you said you described You said there was a surface and sometimes something pops up.

[18:43]

Yes, there is a flame that we always come back to. What comes up over the surface that you described is something like intuition. So there's a limit that we, or a border that we continuously reach or come to, and occasionally something comes through, and that's, you said, was intuitions. You said to work underneath this surface. That was practice or to again and again find an entry into... So I would like to know something about how I can do this in a world like this, where I can't be mindful with my breath.

[19:58]

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Because it happens again and again that I forget about it for days during my work time. Okay, thanks. I've been practicing for a year, almost a year, and I like to watch what happens or to watch carefully what is happening. Zen came to me in a somewhat fragile life situation.

[21:19]

It came to me and I felt at home. And it hasn't left me since then. And in this discussion I remembered that maybe I've already done a kind of Zen practice before. That was 15 or 20 years ago. I am playing the viola in an orchestra.

[22:20]

I experienced this director with his name very intensely in Munich. I know that he practiced Zen and he practiced it with us musicians. Yeah, I know that he practiced Zen, and he did practice it also with us musicians. Practiced what? A kind of Zen in his music. And there were concerts, the rehearsals were hard and really every tone that is in connection with the previous one and has to be in connection with the next one. No one has ever done that for us. The rehearsals were really hard.

[23:48]

It was about one note, how it was connected to the note before and went into the next note. No one ever had done this before with us. I remember more and more these experiences that were very important to me back then. Unfortunately, I don't experience that in music anymore, but maybe for me, Unfortunately, I don't experience that anymore in music, but hopefully I can bring it back into, from what I experience in this practice, bring it back into the music again.

[24:51]

Thank you. Danke. When I ask myself whether I practice or whether I could improve my practice, I just say just keep on going without asking whether it's good or bad. I've been doing it basically since 1972 and it's a very slow progress. But I feel I'm not in a hurry and I don't expect anything, I just keep on going. I also practiced it through the art. I jumped into or I fell into Zen by looking at paintings, Japanese Zen paintings, and I had no idea. So this is how it all began. I had no idea what I saw, but I felt it. I get this sense of spirit and mind and spontaneity and greatness and depth and this great energy which I felt, which I fell, felt.

[26:07]

My English is also falling. And I just think, yeah, I'll practice Zen through calligraphy, sometimes doing my writing poems. And I actually like my, I love my work. My work is practice, daily practice, and my daily life is my practice. I don't have to sit down on a cushion. I sometimes sit on a chair, or sometimes I lie in bed. I don't even get up in the morning and practice, and I'm losing touch to time and missing appointments. This is my way, and I'm very happy about it, and I'm happy about my slow, my very slow progress. Yeah, I feel like a snail. I feel like a snail wants to climb up Mount Fuji.

[27:16]

It takes some time. Well, it doesn't matter. It's okay. So, what have I said? Ah, ah. Can I go to the toilet quickly? You? Okay, go ahead, yes. I thought you were translating somebody. Yesterday you mentioned, you said a sentence, Zen is like an autumn breeze. This is how I feel. It's very transient. You know, it's like a fog or like a cloud. It comes and goes. You can move through. You cannot grasp it. You cannot hold it. You cannot keep it. You cannot stick to it. It comes and goes. This is like a breeze. That's how I feel. I've forgotten already what I said. In German, no? No, no, no. That's great!

[28:24]

Yes, it is. That's what I think. It's all great. When I ask myself how I practice or if I should improve, I say, I just keep going. I've been practicing all these years. I've been practicing since 1972 and I fell into Zen, so to speak. I collaborated with Zen by looking at an exhibition in Tokyo with old Zen pictures of Zen monks. And that just hit me totally, like a flash, boom! I had no idea about Zen, and since then I've been stuck in it. Through art, I've slowly come into Zen. Through the architecture, the painting, the poetry, the haikus. They fascinate me, and that's why I write my own haikus. It doesn't matter if they're good or bad.

[29:26]

I calligraphy on Serge. It's the process of doing, of working, of being creative, of being spontaneous. I love my work and I'm happy with it. I'm glad I didn't develop so much. with all my imperfections, but somehow it makes me quite perfect, I have to say. And I have time, so I don't have a special goal in mind, and I don't have time at all. And that's why I just keep going like this. Thank you. I get the feeling that I bring various images or concepts to practice and then I practice this and then they somehow fall off or change.

[30:33]

So until recently it was the concept or the image also of silence. Of course not only physical silence but a silence that allows things to appear and doesn't put things in a in a special perspective that would reduce them, cut them down. But this led someone to... Because I was... I started to get selective, so to avoid circumstances where I couldn't be silent or where it was loud. So it got exclusive and I got a little bit... be dull and inert also or dull and inert feeling came up and so my emphasis now is more on getting more transparent or open and getting more into the flow of things like to really yeah go with everything's changing and not thinking in states so much more states of mind or trying to get states of mind

[32:00]

Yes, when I practice, I notice that I only present certain images to practice, and they appear after a certain period of time. So far, the image of silence as a silence that allows things to appear without them being set in a perspective and thereby changed or reduced. and that led to a bit of exclusion, that is, I had to deal with armies in which I could be a stele and I promoted some of them, I promoted the stele and now I'm trying to... Practice to me means mindfulness But also connectedness, openness and honesty.

[33:32]

Without losing myself in trying to realize these things, without losing myself, leaking without getting dependent. I realized during these days in Johanneshof that I succeed, that I succeed better when I breathe, when I have the opportunity to breathe properly. During these days in Johanneshof I noticed that it's working better for me when I breathe, when I manage to breathe.

[34:47]

Here I do manage to do that. And I hope I can realize this practice more in my everyday life. I practice with this situation to be supposed to say something as number 25. My heart is beating out to my throat. and until number 15 I thought up stories that I could tell.

[36:05]

And then from number 16 onwards I started to realize that I have a certain skill in telling stories. Oh, I see, okay. and that I am in danger to hide behind this kind of skill. And I think this is what I will learn from this circle. I start to see more clearly that practice means a little more

[37:28]

It starts more and more to mean to do a certain practice And And I have also mentioned the dimension of practice in the conversation. And the dimension of practice, and I also mentioned this point in our discussion, brings me back at the moment to the Four Noble Truths and to suffering and to the end of suffering, whether this is really possible, whether this is a possibility that I This dimension brings me back to the formal truths, to suffering and to the end of suffering, and I wonder whether this is a possibility in my life and whether I can bring my energy to this point.

[39:12]

And I also pay more attention to the first two stages of the Eightfold Path, the right views and the right intentions. And also I pay more attention and give more emphasis to the first two stages, the right views and the right intention. Because I realized in my former study of problems of life and also in my study of philosophy, which I did That is, I have already answered many questions in a certain way.

[40:17]

I notice that it is a great task to look at the Buddhist form of life, And I realized that it's really a great task to look at these questions in Buddhist terms. And these assumptions, these big assumptions of Buddhism, Roshi mentioned in the last lecture, that everything is changing. Really to change, really to test my life, And to realize these big assumptions and to test them in my life and to somehow incorporate them into my life.

[41:40]

Yeah. Okay. Every time I look at Sophia, it's kind of like a miracle that she's there. But every time I look at each of you, it's like a miracle that you're here. Yeah, I don't mean to sound particularly schmalzy. But really, sitting here and listening to you and feeling your presence, I feel like I do when I look at Sophia, except you're a lot more mature.

[42:49]

But it's not so difficult for me to to stay in that feeling now in my life. It's not so difficult for me to stay or have that feeling now in my life with each person. Well, I'm quite sure that my sense of staying in that feeling comes from practice. I can be drawn into other kinds of relationships, feelings, but still this more basic kind of wondrous feeling doesn't go away.

[44:06]

And listening to each of you speak about practice, Of course, I'm impressed by what a good sense you have of practice. It reminds me, when I was starting, I remember in the first, I don't know, weeks or months of talking to Sakyurashi, He said something like, well, you should do it for at least two years. That seemed like a long time to me. That was half my college. I thought, well, I would certainly learn something in two years. But I, you know, if I again listen to what makes to your attention and effort in practicing,

[45:18]

If I listen to your intention and your effort in practicing, what I'm struck by is that, yes, that's good, but the basis that's needed... What surprises me maybe is the... and I don't mean you don't have the basis but we have to make it the more explicit it can be the better and that basis is a faith in practice a faith so deep that you don't have an alternative.

[46:47]

I'm not saying it's easy to get there, but it's what really makes practice work. So it means that kind of faith and then in yourself. It means a kind of faith in yourself. It means a trust that whatever you need is already here. Yeah, so you can have this attitude. But letting that attitude open But practice then is how that attitude opens up our life. I hope not as stagnant as some of the ponds around here.

[47:50]

The point is that I'm not going to present this as a kind of you know, ritual teaching. I'm trying to just present it as to add something, to introduce something into your own thinking. of how the body blooms in us. I don't think I have time to say too much more. What is the body?

[49:05]

You know, there's my coming in here to give a lecture. It's a kind of ritual. I'm not already here. Mm-hmm. We have this densho and you settle yourself. And ideally, after you've settled yourself, the third round is, you know, this is not a clock. It's a kind of waiting for a settling to occur. If I come in too exactly, it's too much like a clock. It's too mental then. So I should come in sort of when you don't expect it. But if I keep being late, then I have to be an hour late before you don't expect it.

[50:33]

If you expect me to be late, then I have to be even later or come in the middle of the second round. Anyway, I'm sort of joking, but the point is that there's a settling process that goes on. Yeah, then whoever the person giving the lecture is, comes in and then turns him or herself over to the Buddha. Brings our attention to the Buddha. then sits down, assumes this posture, lifting with the mind through the body, then arranging these robes.

[51:46]

It's all a practice of appearance. To noticing everything as an appearance. Whatever this is that's doing this right now appears. And the lecture should appear. I shouldn't prepare it. So it appears, and I don't even know what length it's going to be. Don't worry. It appears, but if this, whatever this is, is appearing here,

[52:47]

And then the lecture appears. This lecture should appear in you. And this settled body somewhat like our Buddha appears in you. And then it disappears. And I get up and I leave. Or something gets up and leaves. What is this body? What appears and then disappears? The practice of appearance Appearance is the most real of anything that might be real.

[54:07]

Appearance is central to this practice of body, speech and mind. A body that appears isn't always there, is always appearing. Der ist nicht immer da, sondern der taucht unablässig auf. What is this body? Was ist dieser Körper? Is it blooming in you? Blüht er in euch? Of course it is. Natürlich tut er das. Thank you very much. Vielen Dank. And very good stuff. Thank you.

[55:39]

Yeah, it's not so interesting to you, but I thought I'd explain why I didn't come to Zazen this morning. Yeah, at Crestone, there's this land, a piece of land we bought behind us this last year or so. It's about $150,000. And we raised all the money, but about $15,000. So they... So somebody at the last minute, just before we would have defaulted.

[59:09]

Do you understand defaulted? Defaulted. It means if you don't pay, you lose the land and everything you paid in. They loaned us $15,000 that they have to have back by September, by August 1st. At the same time, a piece of land of five acres right in the middle of our property became available that's owned by the local water and sanitation department. And sanitation department. They were holding it for some reason and they're not using it. And it's inside our piece of property.

[60:19]

And it's along the stream. So Crestone is worth about $25,000 an acre. So it's worth about $25,000 an acre. If they're willing to sell it to us, I'm just describing these emergencies, willing to sell it to us, the whole thing of five acres for $25,000. If we don't buy it, they'll sell it to somebody in the community. And then they have a legal right to build a road across our property, right across the middle of our property.

[61:32]

And then there's another piece of property, which is our watershed, where the stream comes down. And if you may have heard, in America now, in Colorado and so forth, there's a very serious drought. And there's been fires all over Colorado. So we're in some serious fire danger, plus our water is drying up. We don't have enough water to drink. So far it's all right, but the stream is disappearing. So... If you pick it up and hold it in your hands, it often revives.

[62:58]

It flew off? Okay. I've often picked them up, not often, two or three times. And then they warm up. Yeah, so what we need to do is have this watershed piece so we can run a pipe farther up the canyon to where the stream runs through bedrock, and then there'll be water always. And... This piece of land is $45,000. And it's 50 acres. So I got a letter two days ago which said, if you don't want this piece of land, we're selling it to the national park. Well, that would be all right, but then we could never put our water system up the stream.

[64:15]

So what to do? We can't even pay the money we owe for what we didn't pay last time. I didn't understand it, but it's okay. We couldn't even pay for the last piece of land, the $15,000. So it seemed okay, let's just forget about it. But then this land could never be available again and six months from now everyone might be mad at me and say, why didn't you let us know? So I spent the last two days writing a letter which said, here, everybody, what should we do?

[65:37]

Yeah, so... Anyway, I got it done, and last night, in the middle of the night, they took my fax, my Xerox, my fax and Xeroxed it, no, nothing fancy, and just mailed it out. So that's anyway, I was up almost all night doing this. But at least it's done, and we'll see what people say. It was a long-range survival of... Your house off Crestone, it's important to get it, but I don't see how we can do it.

[66:38]

It's a little like somebody said, oh, all three farms around here are available and you have to decide next month. And if you don't decide, you won't have any water. And we had to come up with the money in this room. Yeah, you can see why I want to give up. But anyway, so that's what I was doing. So now to the real subject of what should we do?

[67:40]

Should you give me some report on your discussion or just each of you say something? What would you like to do? Or should we just have a general discussion? Anyone can start. I forgot to get the water for the food. Oh, the food, I see. I thought we were going to play telephone. That's what the Buddhist lineage is, actually. Except that you'd spend ten years telling somebody.

[68:44]

They spend ten years. Maybe it gets straight, I don't know. Any suggestions? Each should say something. Okay, you start. So you can turn the water off. Oh, yeah. What's on your mind? How do you understand the practices? Anything. I understand it's a practice.

[69:51]

The way I should bring it in my usual life. So I work somehow and I try to do it each day and if it doesn't, does not function then I try to bring it back to be mindful and to start again. bring it to practice, practice in the work or whatever it is. I try to do the same thing. Ich versuche das Gleiche.

[70:57]

So, you've been asking, like, we should think about... Whatever you want to say. Yeah, okay, so my point is at the moment to come closer to a clearness, to be there in the moment and not to think too much about the moment or around the moment, just more clearness, being daring. This practice for me is at least the whole day. So it might be sitting, might be not sitting. I'm thinking about the balls, I'm not thinking about them. So it's everything. I'm running around, sitting at home, whatever. The most important thing for me right now is clarity. I want to find clarity in practice. That means I realize, I realize that I'm just very much busy with thinking about a moment and around it and I don't have the feeling that I'm really right there.

[72:03]

For me, practice is ultimately the whole day, whether I'm sitting or not, whether I'm running around or at home, whatever it is, it's almost all possible. For me, the most important thing at the moment, as far as practice is concerned, is this group situation. Right now for me, in terms of practice, what is most important is this group situation. How I can, through the nervousness that I'm experiencing right now, how I can be able to contribute something And what is fascinating for me is what comes out of that.

[73:13]

And I'm very interested in how we nourish this, how everyone contributes to this. How these things that get in the way, that make us nervous maybe, how these things resolve while we are resolve themselves while we are doing it. For me, practice right now is mostly how this How does this space, this space for interacting opens up?

[74:40]

When we split up into the small groups I was deeply touched by this question that we were given. What I have learned in the group is that I have a feeling for something, this deep touch, and when I listen to others I hear the words for this feeling. And what I learned in this group is that I have a feeling, that I have this feeling of being deeply touched. And while listening to these other people in the group, I hear the words for this feeling.

[75:54]

And I found out also that it's the same for other people that you can practice in different ways. So there are participants in our group and they say they sit down and they don't practice with a specifically Buddhist resolve or intention. But other people say they are practicing Zen.

[77:04]

And important insight for me is that I can trust my feelings. Okay, thanks. For me the question what is practice or what does practice mean for me is the point I feel quite clear right now is where I fail or where I am mistaken.

[78:22]

And that's not because there are no insights. There are some insights in Zazen practice. But to bring them through the normal habits I have. So that means to bring these insights into realization. That's right now the question for me. How to do that and how to shape that. and the point that I feel in my practice right now is that, as Dogen says, practice is a continuous error or failure, and this is not

[79:44]

because I do not have certain insights in the practice or during sitting, but rather it is more that I am determined again and again by my patterns of habits, and for me the question is how the insights carry through these patterns of habits, so that they I'm tempted to make some comments, but I kind of like just going around and maybe I'll comment at the end. The main subject for me is connectedness.

[80:47]

And the questions around that, how can that increase that I am connected with myself and with other people? And that I can live with an open heart without... fragment things. And how can the heart grow in this space? And for me it's more important when I will die that my heart will have grown from this to this and is that much open then that I be enlightened. Okay.

[82:28]

Yeah, this is like each of you telling us your names, but instead of your names, each of you are telling us your practice. Maybe this is your real Buddhist name you're telling us. The last month I practiced or I used my sitting practice for holidays, for getting energy I mean, you took a vacation on your cushion. Yeah. I mean, it's like every, not every time, but most of the times when I sit down and afterwards I get up, I feel more relaxed or more strength, and I needed that.

[83:44]

So that's how, that was my practice. And... I came here in a way as well as an alternative to beach, you know, to recover, like that. And now here, as well in the small group, realize more and more again what's beyond that again. I mean, it's great that I'm getting nourished, but that's not all. I just start to feel that again a bit. In the last few months I have been doing exercises while sitting, that is, I have been recovering myself and I have been refueling myself with strength and energy and I have also come here for the 10 days in a way to recover myself, which will also be the case, I think,

[85:06]

And I have also noticed more in the days here and in the small group that being nourished is very beautiful and does good, but it is also important to feel more what is behind it. Yes. I think for me right now my practice is to find out what practice is, or to explore the foundations of practice. One way to put it that came to me during the small group discussion

[86:16]

Is practice is clarity about which direction I want to go in? Do I go in the direction of friendship, of clarity, of freedom from suffering? Do I go into the direction of friendship, clarity, freedom from suffering? Or do I just follow my senses, my impulses and thoughts? We had a very good discussion in our group and for me a definition of practice, a definition of work is perhaps too little, but for me a very good definition of practice came out.

[87:42]

to notice, to discover and to approach what is already there? We had a very good discussion and out of this definition for practice arose a working... No, how would you say that? A working definition. A working definition is maybe to... Not enough. No, the definition is practice is to... notice what else? To discover? To notice, to discover and to nourish what is already here. What is already here. Yeah, sounds good. Yeah, that's too good. Yeah, for me it's practice in the things that I hear

[88:55]

For me, practice is the things you do here. The things that I learned here at Johanneshof or got a feeling for, to take them into the day, And my current effort right now is to develop more continuity in that. Of course, there are also things like closeness or to develop more presence.

[90:28]

Those things are also involved. By continuity, you mean continuity of mind? Or able to practice continuously? Yeah, for example, to stay with the breath also while speaking. Also, an aspect from the lecture, this yogic aspect, to get more of a hold of that. To get a hold of it.

[91:36]

More. This is like a syphilis, the little corner of a piece of fabric or this, to get this into your hand. Really? Yoga. Meaningful. Good. Quite meaningful aspect is also that practice is adventure for me. You don't know where you are going. Okay, thank you. I'm so very glad to be here.

[92:41]

It's my practice. I'm so very glad that you all are here with me. because it's a great support for me as Frank already said the importance of the group I have to excuse that I've come late three days later and you have come I had to finish my job. And I'm very grateful for the opening I experienced yesterday

[93:49]

during the lecture when you spoke about the different things we could take in our breathing even the noises and yesterday I sat in the zendo and I think you cleaned something I was alone and you cleaned the ashes and I heard the steps and the noise of the wood and it was, it was something enormous because I never have heard with my breath before. I always heard with my ears. It was a new experience, the body. Thank you. I am very happy.

[94:50]

When I talk about my practice, I would like to say that I am happy that I can be here. This is my practice at the moment. I am very happy that you are all here because the group is a great support for me and a great help. I would like to apologize for coming three days later. It was important for me to complete my practice in Berlin and to finish it, so that I can be well here. Yesterday I had an appointment

[95:31]

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