Well, here we are again experimenting with how to use this building. And we've been experimenting for the last week or two to get the heat working. But it feels warmer than outside anyway. Virtually exactly a year ago I gave a seminar here, well, in Johanneshof, with a different approach to the same topic. Same subject.

[01:04]

I said subject because subject in English means self, basically. You're the subject, that's the object. So it was the Western self, the Zen self, Western self. And what could be Zen subject, Western subject? Because we are the subject of our self. Or we are the self of our subjective experience. Why am I saying it in so many different ways? It's because this is a really difficult topic.

[02:14]

Well, difficult because we have our own convincing experience of self. And we have our cultural ideas of self. And we have Buddhist ideas of self or the lack of self. And it's very difficult to sort all that out. I think the main thing we would have to do to cut through all these complications

[03:15]

is to keep the subject in view or to keep the topic in view or to keep the self in view or how can we keep the self in view Because, you know, I can teach you or tell you something about, or tell you, maybe teach you something about the concept of self and selflessness in Buddhism. And that might be interesting. But it would be pretty unimportant and almost useless. I mean, the only way to approach this question

[04:27]

topic is as practice. And this is traditionally how it is practiced. In various ways the practitioner is expected to look for the self. And to find the self or not find the self, you yourself see what happens. There's clearly some kind of self. Something made the decision to come here. To go to bed last night and get up this morning.

[05:50]

I mean, that's pretty, that's undeniable. So is that our self? If that's our self, then Buddhism is crazy to say there's no self. So I think the most important thing we can do, starting now and for these three days, is to find ways to notice the presence of self. Notice the functioning of self. Something like that. So I would like to introduce the practice I introduced in the winter branches we just finished.

[07:08]

Well, it starts out with Vasubandhu's idea. A closely placed recollection. Okay. Yeah, I don't know. You know, it's... What we're talking about here is Buddhism as a craft. Okay, so it's not hand work, it's mind work. I mean, it's body work. See, this is the problem. What is this craft? And certainly closely placed recollection isn't exactly handwork.

[08:31]

On the other hand, I mean, on the other mind, I mean, on the other side, If you do handwork, it requires closely placed attention. Anyway, we can use Vasubandhu's closely placed recollection As a way to find in English and Deutsch. Language that allows us to explore the craft of practice. Now, what Vasubandhu means by closely placed recollection is that, for example, if you take a teaching

[09:53]

Let's just be simple and say impermanence. So you recall, you recollect impermanence in all the instants of immediacy. Now this already assumes that you can bring attention into the instance of immediacy. Or we could say into the momentariness of the present. Now, momentariness of the present gives us one feel for it, an approach.

[11:16]

Yeah, but again, this is a craft, like potting or watchmaking or something like that. Or athletics at a high level. Where runners may visualize every step of a 100-yard dash. And then run within their own visualization as if they're running in a ghost which is running right in front of them. Something like that is the craft of high level performance athletics.

[12:19]

And these teachings of Vasubandhu, for example, assume a high level of craft. I mean, the question of what is the self or something like that has bedeviled and beguided, bedeviled and deified Western philosophy for 2000 years. And Buddhism has spent a tremendous amount of literature on trying to sort out what is the self.

[13:20]

We all know that we exist in relationship to some concept of the self. We all know we exist in some relationship to the experience of self. But can we expect after several thousand years in Asia and several thousand, a couple thousand years in the West and a little more than that are the same in Asia? Of focusing on this and trying to answer this question, what is the Self? And even though perhaps no one has come up with an answer, a lot of fruitful

[14:58]

thinking, observations, etc. have come from trying to answer the question. There are a lot of fruitful answers and I mean, Heidegger's being in time is one of the most recent large experiments to explore what is self-being, etc. In the most advanced neuroscience now is completely involved with trying to see if there's some sort of brain neurological pattern that we can call self. So maybe we should just read Heidegger and wait for the neuroscientists to come up with something.

[16:30]

But still, this is your life. I mean, your lived life is right here with you. It is you. And what Buddhism says is this lived life of yours is inseparable from the experience of self. And one way to live your life more fully is to explore the experience of self.

[17:32]

To explore the differentiated experience of self. Okay. Okay. That's enough. We can stop right now. All right. But let's continue. Okay. So Vasubandh is closely connected placed recollection. And as I said, maybe, or I think I said, the example we could use would be impermanence.

[18:32]

To bring, to recollect, to remind yourself of impermanence. in each instant of immediacy. Now again, as I said, also momentariness of the present. But if I say it that way, it assumes there's something called the present. If I say immediacy, it calls into question, is there such a thing as the present? If it's already past and not yet future, or already past and already future, where is the present?

[19:34]

Well, you can take the present for granted if you'd like. But then you can understand intellectually that it's already past and already future simultaneously. And have that intellectual understanding have nothing to do with your experience of the present. But the high performance yogic practice assumed by Buddhism, assumes that you somehow have a feeling for this thing we call the present, this space we call the present.

[20:50]

So Vasubandhu's idea is that into... I've never noticed there's been an echo here before. Yeah, it's been going on since I started speaking. There's another self up there echoing me. A doppel Richard. No, not doppel, ganger Richard. Doppel Richard, the gang is up somewhere else. All right. Again, I'm playing with these things

[22:03]

to suggest that consciousness or awareness itself is much wider than the words we stick in front of it. I play with these thoughts to make it clear that consciousness and truthfulness are much wider and greater than the words that we So what words do you stick in front of your awareness, of your consciousness? Vasubandhu says stick the word, for example, impermanence in front. Then notice, impermanent, impermanent, etc. And, of course, impermanence then brings you into interdependence, etc.

[23:08]

Okay, so... But I'm suggesting... that we use what I would call, I'm calling closely held attention. And I don't know what you want to say in Deutsch to yourself. Maybe a translation of closely placed attention works better for you. But anyway, what I'm suggesting right now in English is we work with the phrase closely held attention. Was ich zumindest jetzt vorschlagen möchte, ist, dass wir mit dem Ausdruck arbeiten, nahe gehaltene Aufmerksamkeit.

[24:29]

I'm trying to, and maybe you later can tell me which you think works better in Deutsch and so forth, but right now it's, or in our discussion we can do it later. Also lasst uns jetzt mal diesen Ausdruck verwenden und später in der Diskussion oder So you referred to yourself as Katrin, yes. But you're not only Katrin, I know that for sure. You're also Katrin. Okay, closely held attention. I'm trying to explore that, suggest that as a craft. Now, by closely held attention, I'm suggesting something like you're walking in the dark.

[25:31]

so your attention is rather closely held you don't know if there's a stairway in front of you or a wall or what or perhaps just walking with a flashlight in a new building You've got to keep your attention within the range of the flashlight. So by closely held attention, I mean attention that feels near. and feels engaged with immediacy so the simple skill of closely held attention now what is it just being mindful Is it simply mindfulness?

[27:06]

Maybe we could just use the English word mindful or the German word achtsam. But I think that to mindful means, you know, I mean, it means something, I think, for us like to be attentive. These distinctions must be quite hard to translate, I'm sorry. But closely held, has a different feeling to me than just being aware, mindful. Maybe we could say bodily held attention.

[28:10]

Yeah, something like that. Okay, so I'm using for all of that this phrase, closely held attention. And the questions I'd like you to hold closely Is, first of all, what is self? So, in all of your instance of momentariness, You're asking yourself, what is self?

[29:19]

And I'd also suggest you ask, or you closely hold the question, What is continuity? At each moment, how are you experiencing continuity? Is there continuity? Is there not continuity? Where is continuity happening? Where does continuity take place? And the third question I would suggest is what is agency?

[30:21]

Now, I don't know, again, how to say this in Deutsch, of course, but in English, agency means to make something happen. Its etymology is the same as to act or to act. So the one who, an agent is one who acts. So agency is a rather good word for the sense that there's an I or a who who makes decisions. Then we can fool around with, is it a secret agent or a spy? Is there a deeper self with an agent I?

[31:52]

No, I'm just... Agent I. Sounds like a name for a movie, Agent I. Okay, so the experience of agency is the experience of decision making. I mean, there's big decisions. And there's little tiny decisions all the time. And when you're walking next door, do you walk in front of that person or behind that person? Do you go around the bush on the right or on the left?

[32:52]

I mean, there's endless decisions like that. Es gibt unendliche Entscheidungen wie diese. And then there's big decisions, intentions, vows. Und dann gibt es große Entscheidungen, Absichten, Gelöbnisse. Crises, I mean crises in English means the crossroads. Krisen oder Kreuzungen. So there's the big decisions which affect everything and then there's the little decisions we're making all the time that also affect everything. Now maybe instead of asking what is self, we could just ask what is attention? When you make a decision to go to the right of the bush or the left of the bush, how is attention functioning in that?

[34:15]

Anyway, to practice with this question of self, We have to keep the self in view and notice to the degree which we function through or feel we possess self. Unless we get very familiar with, in a conscious aware way, with the daily topography of self, unless you know the topography of self.

[35:22]

The Buddhist teachings of self have no topography in which to function. So to discover, to find in your own experience the topography of self, The question, to hold closely the question What is attention? What is continuity? And what is agency or decision-making? I think these three closely held questions can bring you, even in the next three days, into a feel for the topography itself.

[36:44]

Okay? Okay. Thank you very much. Let's have a break.

[37:10]

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