And Thomas Merton, who was the leading, by the way, Thomas Merton, who was the leading Catholic spokesperson for Catholic monasticism in the United States, he said that he feels closer to Buddhists who meditate than non-monastic Catholics. So we do have some kind of powerful identity formation going on in Buddhist practice. And this is what I'd like to try to, what I'm trying to speak about. Now we have to work with our own concept of identity.

[01:08]

Now I'm not a... a real scholar of of cultural history or sociological history. I would have said something more, but I didn't think you could translate it, actually. It would be a little more not so serious sounding, but in any case. Because I'm not a scholar at all, in any case, of these things. I'm, let's say, a fellow traveler. Fellow traveler? Somebody who goes along with communism or something, that's what... But my understanding from reading, it's probably the...

[02:25]

around the late 1600s that our concept of a self appears. As a permanent subjectivity in successive and varying states of mind. Now, we also have a tendency in the West, a cultural chauvinism in the West, to think that our culture is universal, that our music is universal, our science is universal. and that our self and psychology is universal.

[03:35]

And we take for granted that Western psychology, many do, applies to Japanese people as well as here, etc. Yeah. But so I think we have to at least open ourselves to different ways of imagining self. There was a little... I read about a Japanese girl who was asked in kindergarten in America what her favorite color was.

[04:37]

Ich habe eine Geschichte von einem japanischen Mädchen gelesen, das in einem amerikanischen Kindergarten gefragt wurde, was ihre Lieblingsfarbe ist. And she didn't know how to answer. She went home and asked her mother, what's our favorite color? Und sie wusste nicht, was sie antworten sollte. Sie ist zu ihrer Mutter nach Hause gegangen und hat gefragt, was ist unsere Lieblingsfarbe? And then her mother didn't know what to do, so called the school and says, how are we supposed to answer this question? And a Japanese young woman college girl was asked why she respects her father. What good qualities does he have that you respect him?

[05:38]

She said, she hadn't thought about that. She said that I respect my father in order to practice respect. And when the missionaries tried to convert Tibetans, they proved unconvertible. And the main reason seems to have been not because they believed in Buddhism. It's just because they had no concept of making such a choice. It was clear Jesus walked in water.

[06:44]

He was just a bodhisattva. They were very glad the West had Bodhisattvas too. But it wasn't necessary to choose among them. So... And this does not mean that the Japanese have no sense of color. Even though this little girl had no idea what was meant by her favorite color. One of the things you shop for when you live in Japan for people back in America is silk thread. Because it's quite difficult to find silk thread in much selection in the United States.

[07:59]

So we asked Nakamura sensei where we could go shopping for thread. She said, well, of course you go to the Thread Street. We went to the Thread Street and there were 13 blocks of stores with thread. One store only had, the whole store, shades of purple. Now put this together with a little girl who doesn't know what her favorite color is.

[08:59]

So we can't jump to conclusions about what people are like from knowing one little piece of information. So I would say... First of all, let me say, as I did in the practice week, that self is, I understand, the Buddhist self, to be imagined as the conventional Buddhist self, to be imagined as a container. And we can only in Sashing go into this in so much detail, so I'll just suggest... A container of varying size.

[10:12]

And a container... that contains but also is shaped by what's in it. And from moment to moment, the container remains kind of your container, but it always has different things in it. And so this is in quite a contrast to our sense of a permanent subjectivity in successive and varying states of mind. Now, I'm not talking about an Asian self here, though there may be some overlap, but a conventional Buddhist self.

[11:24]

Now, we also take for granted in our monotheistic culture not only that we have to make a choice, between this or that, or this god and that god, or colors, etc. And it makes a difference to our uniqueness, etc. But somehow we put all that into an effort to seek oneness. And poetically, seeking oneness, we end up to be pretty dualistic. So we could say that a Buddhist's conventional self And in general, the modus of Buddhism is to seek two-ness.

[12:51]

To see things as relationship always. Your sitting is always a relationship between, as I've said, your posture as it is and an ideal posture. And there's no oneness in this. There's some ease with the dialogue. So... Many things are in this container. And they're changing all the time. But this container, this conventional self, still is based on consciousness.

[14:02]

Now, what are the possible bases of self? And again, I'm not a serious historian of these things, but I believe among the Greek philosophers, the Stoics were the ones who most led to our sense of self. Und ich bin nicht wirklich Historiker, aber ich glaube, dass die Historiker in Griechenland am meisten dazu beigetragen haben, dass wir zu unserem Begriff von selbst gekommen sind. By emphasizing the active reasoning of each person. The freedom to reason things out for yourself. Okay, so that would fit in with the Buddhist sense of an identity based on consciousness.

[15:12]

Now, just to throw some things out, I mean into the pot, you could have a self based on the cognitive realm, on mental cognition. You can have a self based on sensorial cognition. You can have a self based on, rooted primarily in the body. You can have a self based on relationships. In which your identity is to serve society. Or your identity might be for society to serve you. Or some mix. Now, of course there's going to be a mix.

[16:35]

And how do we deal with the mix? And I guess a therapist's job is to... help us shape and give coherence to our sense of self. And in a variety of ways, that's what Zen practice is supposed to do too. Now, this seeking-to-ness or, you know, also means that we can have two selves, a partnership of selves, built on different bases. And that's the basic image of Buddhism, is primarily two selves in a partnership. Das ist das grundlegende Bild im Buddhismus.

[17:51]

Hauptsächlich eine Zweiheit von selbst, eine Partnerschaft. One self based on consciousness and the other self based on awareness. the one for whom there's no concept of waiting. Now, I find when I'm doing Kinhin, for instance, that I barely open my eyes. I keep one eye half open to get just enough information so I don't run into Martin. And also I keep one eye open so I don't have a three-dimensional world presented to me. I don't want to be drawn in to the world, the three-dimensional world.

[19:08]

I'd be happy if this whole week could be done pretty much with my eyes closed. Looking around always locates you in the conscious self. And if you're addicted to the conscious self, you almost cannot prevent yourself from looking around. So Sashin gives us a chance to... by not having to look around, can give us a sense of this self that can be based on awareness and presence. I find that I'm doing my Uriyoki. I can see that I've got all the parts of the orioke there, so I could tie the cloth.

[20:33]

But I really don't want to think about it, so I actually check with my hand to make sure. Because if my hand does it, I don't have to think. So it's quite distinct, a self based on... awareness and a self based on consciousness. Now in this partnership of selves, there's other kinds of selves, but these are the two main ones. So So I've again defined self as... the functions of self as being separation, connectedness and continuity.

[21:48]

And for this conversation I'd like to add rest, Power and coherence. That self can also give us a place to rest, a sense of power, and a sense of coherence. Now, we have to, as Western Buddhists, of course deal with our Western self as the other partner. I've run out of time.

[23:01]

Are you doing okay? Shall I try to finish my feeling here? Otherwise... Okay. I'm sorry. I don't know how I got into this session. I apologize. Let's take the little story I told you about Proust. I haven't read this for a long time, so I'm not sure I've got it straight, but it's a basic idea. Is the interruption of the tray makes him remember reading? And the reading and the image of the room brings him back to the particularities of the weather feeling of that day.

[24:06]

So we have three levels of memory here. The level of memory as interruption. that we remember something we are interrupted by or we note. Noting is a kind of interruption. And then the reading, well, he might have if he'd seen the book or something like that, remembered the story. Or if he'd even by chance turned to the same page. Still, it's unlikely it would have brought him back to that particular day.

[25:20]

And if he saw the day, if he went back to this house and saw the garden trees, he wouldn't remember anything except perhaps that he read in that room. So in a sense we can say his conscious self has been formed by these interruptions. And that self is a process of memory. And the book he might remember, but the real continuity that was called forth so magically for him of the trees and the wind, we don't remember. So this level of detail can't be remembered. It can only embrace us.

[26:26]

We can feel its depth. We can feel its power and it gives us power or strength, if you prefer the word. Now, so if you practice mindfulness, and the point even of a koan like mu, is saying mu on each occasion, is to try to break the process of memory formation. Where you only note certain things that reinforce you or talk about who you are as a special person.

[27:43]

Because you can't know the Buddha mind that way. So you've got to break the process of self-formation, but not the function of self. Or break the process sometimes. So mindfulness shifts from noting details to finally noting a continuity which slips you out of consciousness. Mindfulness at first is a noting of details. And then finally a noting of detail so successively that it's not possible to note it in memory.

[28:54]

It's not possible to note it in memory. Because noting is a kind of interruption. So sometimes you see in a person who's an adept practitioner that one eye looks out and one eye actually looks inward. That this is an actual physiological thing that a person is, and one eye is in awareness and one eye is in consciousness. Because this, eventually this is an integrated partnership of two selves, one based on awareness and one based on consciousness.

[30:06]

So now we can go back to Dogen's Dharani of veneration. Because awareness is an opening to awareness. Awareness is this basic thing, which is neither objects nor objects. Someone asked Dungsan, how do I find a teacher? Dungsan said, it's not difficult. And the monk says, how's that? Only there should, Dungsan said, Only there should be no difference in age.

[31:16]

Because awareness or Buddha nature or identity based on awareness, where there's no waiting, there's no age. So then the monk kind of looks perplexed. No difference in age, because Dung Shan is clearly a lot older. And Dung Shan says, say something on a different track. So one eye is tracking one kind of way of being in the world and one eye is tracking another kind of being in the world. So Buddhist conventional self is shaped in this partnership with Buddhist self.

[32:18]

And when you see this awareness, you're seeing mind. So Dogen says that Dharani is veneration. So to open yourself to this mind is to venerate. It may not be so different than the idea of self in Christianity in the Middle Ages. Self is what you give up in order to know God. And in Buddhism, conscious self is what you suspend in order to know Buddha.

[33:35]

Or discover this partnership of of self and true self. Well, that's enough. Thank you very much.

[33:52]

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