I'm told we have a topic this year. That's not so usual, is it? But she's organizing the... ...Johannesov now, as the director, and the web page, the website. So she calls me up and says, we need a title for it. We do? Well, I want to put it on the web. So I say something. So somehow I said, I don't know what was on my mind. I said, weaving your personal narrative. I don't know what's going through my head right now,

[01:03]

but I definitely said, weaving our personal narrative. And none of you knew that it was supposed to be the title, is that correct? Oh, some do. Oh, sure. Because earlier I said to her, really? Oh, my gosh. What was on my mind when I said I'd talk about that? But anyway, we certainly are, each of us have a... ...personal life. Which works its way out. Or it doesn't. I have a granddaughter named Paloma.

[02:06]

Which I mentioned before, probably. Anyway, they had a surprise... Well, it wasn't really a surprise, but it was supposed to be a surprise, early 80th birthday party for me in January. A couple of months ago. Because it was possible for me to be in California, where I have old friends and family, a lot of family, so it happened in January. So my nephew has a Japanese restaurant,

[03:12]

he's half-Japanese, and he catered the meal for us, about 12 people or something. His father is the Japanese wood-jurney carpenter who built the Zendo at Crestone, and will build the Zendo at Johannesburg. He's in the process of doing it. So he and his son constructed the interior of this restaurant, where there had been a restaurant that burned. So he sweetly said,

[04:17]

cater the meal for us. Well, anyway, I have this granddaughter. Anyway, I have this granddaughter. Uncannily means surprising, or hard to believe, or something. Anyway, she speaks in complete sentences. So, the next morning after the birthday party...

[05:22]

You know, I was sleeping in the guestroom guest room, which they call the father-in-law's apartment. In case I want to retire, I guess. And my former wife does live in the mother-in-law's apartment in the house already, so you know, So my former wife does live in the mother-in-law's apartment in the house already, so you know, so you know, So suddenly this little girl says, So suddenly this little girl says, So I go in and she's standing with both her hands on the railing of the crib.

[06:25]

So I go in and she's standing with both her hands on the railing of the crib. Okay. So anyway, she says, I have an idea. I want to get out of here. And then she... Some kids would just cry. I have an idea. I want to get out of here. So I said, okay, and she said, So I said, okay, and she said, I want to go downstairs and see all my friends at the party.

[07:28]

I said, well, most of them are left in the street, I said, well, most of them are left in the street, but I want to see them and let's celebrate. So I picked her up and took her downstairs. So I picked her up and took her downstairs. But we can assume, I mean, I assume, that she's different than my three daughters, but I can assume that whatever this is going on with this little girl is going to be part of her personality. A lot. But she has been born into a family that has been involved with Buddhism for 50 or 60 years, So the conceptions of the views of Buddhism are going to be part of her life.

[08:47]

And how is that going to affect her? I think deciding to practice and all is an adult decision, so I've never said anything about Buddhism to my daughters, three daughters, if they've been growing up. But still it remains an inescapable part of their life. Sophia, at the age of 15, grew up in the Hansok, primarily, and Khrushchev, but primarily in the Hansok. So, deciding to practice Buddhism is called Homu-I.

[10:06]

Now, that doesn't mean only that you might become a monk, but it means something like you're free or you see your birth culture as a relative expression in the world and not a final expression in the world. So whatever these ideas are, to see her culture, she's growing up in relative terms, which means she feels she has a choice, even about her own birth culture. It's hard to exercise the choice, but you recognize that it's possible. Okay, so I'm pondering today, but we think our children, our grandchildren, our grandchildren,

[11:39]

their personal narrative within a Buddhist culture. What difference would that make? Now I'm not trying to convince any of you of Buddhism, but it is interesting for me to talk with you about Buddhism, because that's all I know anyway, in the context of your presence and intelligence and experience. And I, of course, also, as I'm semi-retiring, and actually am retiring quite a bit from

[12:43]

teaching. I mean, here I am, but, you know, this is with old friends. Yeah, I still have a lot to do as we're trying to find out how these institutions, which are locations for practice, can continue. But I still have a different kind of time. Yeah, and then I think about what I should speak about differently.

[13:50]

And instead of just going from topic to topic, it arises through circumstances. And I think maybe I should review some of the basics of practice and Buddhism nowadays for myself and with you. And with you too, because, you know, there's so much interest now. I mean, somebody just sent me a pile of papers about Buddhism and psychotherapy and psychoanalysis. And it's largely a positive interest.

[15:13]

It wasn't in the 60s, it wasn't a positive interest, it was a competitive interest. And it's largely a positive interest, it wasn't in the 60s, it wasn't a positive interest, it was a competitive interest. But when I read these papers, some of them are quite interesting and intelligent, they still rather loosely generalize about Buddhism in a way that isn't accurate. For example, the Four Noble Truths are usually translated as the Four Noble Truths of the Because everyone knows suffering. The first one.

[16:16]

Second, there's a cause of suffering. And third, because there's a cause of suffering, it can be an end of suffering. And fourth, there's a path that can free you from suffering. Well the translation suffering isn't actually quite right. Basically, the first is something, there's conditioned existence, that's all. And there's the insecurity of conditioned existence.

[17:22]

And there's the insecurity of the conditions of being. Yeah, so I mean even if you were completely happy in your adult life, you've made things work for you, etc., and you don't feel suffering much, still there's an insecurity to conditioned existence. And even if you were completely happy in your adult life, you've made things work for you, still there's an insecurity to conditioned existence. Excuse me, I'm not quite sure that that was correct. Of conditioned life is not the same as, or is it the same as the conditions of life? No, conditioned means it's affected by. The conditions of life are its unconditioned.

[18:31]

Okay, and another problem with the way the Four Noble Truths are presented is that they're presented as kind of philosophy. And that's not really what it's about. It's the content of this person called the Awakened One's enlightened experience. So it's not philosophical statements as recognitions that come upon you. So it's not philosophical statements as recognitions that come upon you. And this translation, where suffering and the cause, etc., where it's translated like that, you can also see that it was translated into a culture, a Western culture, which is based on the assumption of a creator and a created world.

[20:19]

There are slight differences in views, but they're extremely important, extremely affective. Just before I flew to Europe, I was in a Science of Consciousness conference in Tucson, Arizona. Just before I flew to Europe, I was in a Science of Consciousness conference in Tucson, Arizona. And I stopped doing conferences, I don't know, maybe 15 years ago, because I really just prefer to talk to people I know and not to strangers.

[21:31]

And I stopped doing conferences, I don't know, maybe 15 years ago, because I really just prefer to talk to people I know and not to strangers. But I realized I'd lost some touch with the current lingo. But I realized I'd lost some touch with the current lingo. And generally, if I'm on a continent, I prefer to drive or train. And in America, there's no trains that go anywhere you want to go unless you're a commuter.

[22:42]

I had no idea I'd get to Tucson by train, I'd probably have to go to Los Angeles and Texas. So I decided to drive. Which was sort of stupid of me in a way, because I lived in America, presumably in America, but I forgot that here's Colorado and here's Arizona. Which was sort of stupid of me in a way, because I lived in America, presumably in America, but I forgot that here's Colorado and here's Arizona. So driving from Creston to Tucson is three full days of driving. It's like going to Oslo or something.

[23:46]

It's next to Mexico. And I even had to go through American border control inside America. I don't know, I couldn't understand it. And so I had three days of driving to get there and three days of driving to get back to Denver airport about a week or so ago. And so I had three days of driving to get there and three days of driving to get back to Denver airport about a week or so ago. So I don't know what's wrong, but anyway, I'm explaining why you're going to see me limp. I had six days of my heel resting on the floor in front of the gas pedal. I'm getting more and more sore and I tried to use my left foot to drive, which is rather confusing.

[25:11]

But anyway, it got so sore, it's still sore. I even got a cane so I can be like Paul Rosenblum. So I think I look very distinguished. I hope so, anyway. So I limp this up and down this hill. And Eva and I agreed that it's a shift in tectonic plate that makes it steeper every year. And she said it's a brilliant analysis, I agree. And I also went because quite a lot of my friends were in the conference.

[26:28]

And I also went because quite a lot of my friends were in the conference. But the conference is entirely 1,200 people. There are innumerable neuroscientists. And I gave a couple small and short talks as the wild card. And I gave a couple small and short talks as the wild card. Yeah, maybe like that. But all of these people... Well, first of all, there's 1,200 people there. Of course, 500 people in the conference hotel as well. All walking around with what probably we can call consciousnesses.

[27:31]

With no idea in the whole group, virtually none, I was one of the few, my person, With no idea in the whole group, virtually none, I was one of the few, my person, that there is a way to study the whole universe. To objectively study consciousness subjectively. And basically everyone, completely without any understanding or knowledge of it, And basically everyone, completely without any understanding or knowledge of it, maybe I was one or the only, or one of the few exceptions, who have an understanding that it is possible to objectively, subjectively study consciousness. So most of them think you have to study it objectively. That's one assumption everyone has. By someone else, other than yourself. By someone else, other than yourself. By someone else, other than yourself. And the idea that shaped almost everyone's thinking...

[28:53]

into mind. And there's a lot of theories. That all molecules have some component of consciousness in them, etc. That all molecules have some component of consciousness in them, etc. In any case, they are interested in it. Where does it come from? What was the cause? Or what was the origin? In Buddhism, and in the culture of Buddhism, this is not a question people ask. What they asked is, here's all these things, what do we do with them? The question of where did they come from was too metaphysical for them, I think.

[30:05]

The question of where did they come from was too metaphysical for them, I think. When you're in the kitchen, you don't start asking, you don't start asking, until you know exactly where this carrot came from, and which farmer planted this and that, except that Nicole, when she was the head chef, had already done it. But still, it was more about the ingredients than about knowing what their origin was. And so the cook says, here's all these ingredients, what am I going to do with them? So the Buddha, I'm assuming, I'm channeling the Buddha right now,

[31:06]

don't believe a word of it, don't believe a word of it, The Buddha said to himself, here are all these ingredients, and this unsatisfying, unsatisfying, insecure, conditioned world. And the second so-called noble truth, which is also a kind of mistranslation, which is also a kind of mistranslation, this second so-called noble truth, is there's a cause. But that's not what actually the words say.

[32:16]

It just says, these ingredients combine, these ingredients gather, cluster. These ingredients combine, cluster. And the third so-called noble truth is that he said, well, if they're just gathering, I can change the gathering. I can cook these things differently. Well, that's really, do you get it? A different world. Yeah, I mean, well, yeah, all these things are here. Let's do it differently. And how to do it differently?

[33:26]

And how to do it differently? And he didn't just sit there and say, okay, one, two, three, not like that. But first, for example, he tried this thing called Ketentum. And from my point of view, I'm not talking about Buddhism here. I'm talking about what can be ingredients in our life. Because if there were ingredients in his life, there can be ingredients in our life. So first he tried asceticism, mortifying the body, sort of doing the equivalent of a hair shirt sitting in the desert or something. A hair shirt.

[34:27]

There's a shirt with the fur inside so you feel itchy and uncomfortable all the time. A hair shirt. And the story isn't, I think there's some degree of truth to the story. After a considerable period of mortifying, making your flesh die, mortifying the flesh, he decided to heckle this.

[35:30]

This is just making me feel sick and weak. And supposedly on his way down from the mountain, he met a farmer girl. And she gave him some rice pudding with milk or something. He thought, well, this is the way. Anyway, he decided on meditation practice, but the so-called middle way, not asceticism, not physical asceticism. But he did decide

[36:53]

there was this ingredient in his life of meditation. Or jhana, which is actually, as all of you know, I think is the source of the word zen. Which means basically absorption. And so he sat down. I mean, if you're running for a bus, it's hard to solve a calculus problem. So there's some common sense to just stay still and see if I can decide what I should do. So now I'm speaking about the ingredients

[38:00]

that were in his life that may or may not be in Paloma's life. The historical Buddha decided to sit under the so-called or actually called, I guess, people tree, P-A-L. It sounds like people. I don't know, I have to look up how it's pronounced. The Bodhi tree. Okay, he also, from the story we know, he saw the power of the vow. He somehow had some intuition,

[39:08]

I don't know who, how do I know, but some intuition that if you vow and you stay with it, that intention can have an effect over time. And something happens when you hold something, not just think it now, but think it over and over again, moment after moment. It's not to instill or install a belief, but to instill and install a feeling of openness. What's the difference

[40:09]

between instill and install? Instill is to... One and the other. If you repeat something, a view, you put it in you in circumstances which you're gathering, clustering, changing. You're not in a fixed world. So the fixed world and your intention are interacting. And here's one of these differences.

[41:10]

A vow is not a ruling focal. A vow is something you bring into your moment-by-moment existence. Then you see what happens. And that's what I call, trying to find an English word, incubating a mental posture. So he somehow, one ingredient he brought into his life was sitting absorption. And another is

[42:16]

an intention that you expect circumstances to help you respond to. That you do what with it. That you expect circumstances to participate in helping you understand something. It's the scientific method. You try things and you get results or you don't. So the vow he made though was pretty serious. He said, I'm not going to stop meditating

[43:16]

until I discover how to rearrange my life so it works better. He said, I'm not going to stop meditating until I discover how to rearrange my life so it works better. So he supposedly sat for 49 days. And it's a custom now even for Zen teachers who people are related to, they do a 49 day Sashin after the teacher dies. But you're not going to look forward

[44:21]

to my death if you think 49 days, 49 minutes will be okay. You're not supposed to look forward to my death, I know it. We hope, we don't know what happened during the 49 days, I don't know except he was enlightened near the end of time. We hope that farm girl kept bringing him rice pudding. That's not part of the story. So he brought it to his wife the concept of an incubated vow. He brought this into his life

[45:28]

through this sitting absorption. And so again, this is the content of his enlightenment, it's understood that way. So at some point he had the recognition that the overall dynamic of our life was its basic insecurity. And he also recognized insight or stage of enlightenment, he also recognized that it's the mind that's the problem, not so much the body. Yeah, now you can think,

[46:41]

well he probably thought of all kinds of things. But when you get desperate on the 44th day, willing to reduce things to simple solutions. And the overriding thing we could suggest, we could feel as he said, it's simply unsatisfactory, this insecure, unconditioned world is not satisfactory. And he did not think

[47:42]

he was a created person, a caused person from the past. And he did not think he was a created person, a caused person from the past. He could see that this unsatisfactoriness was all being arranged by his mind. So basically at some point he said, hey, these things belong to me, they're not outside me, they belong to me, I can rearrange them. Now, lest you think this is too obvious an observation by the Buddha, how many of you or how many

[48:45]

of the people you know really say, these ingredients are all mine, I can rearrange them, I'm going to decide how to do it. So his enlightenment was, which took some time, 49 days, at least, these ingredients can be rearranged. There's no dimension of fate or self built into me, which is so strong that it doesn't let me rearrange these ingredients.

[49:47]

And then he developed the Eightfold Path, which is about how you rearrange the ingredients of your life. And we've been studying and developing the rearrangements and arrangements for 2,500 years. Now, so Palonga, and by the way, my three daughters so far, none of them are becoming committed practices of meditation. So we can draw several conclusions from that.

[51:01]

One, I'm not very convincing. Or two, I'm not trying to convince anyone. And it may sound like I'm trying to convince you, I hope not. But I am speaking about what the situation is that Buddhism is rooted in. So will Palonga decide to add to her life sitting absorption? Will she really recognize that she can absorb

[52:08]

the ingredients of her life and make a decision to rearrange them? Okay, so although we weave our personal narrative, we can add ingredients to our personal narrative. We can add it by our intention. We can add sitting meditation. We can add the wisdom of the teachings. And the wisdom is just that they can be rearranged. And then how do I have the power to rearrange them when I am

[53:08]

the subjective dimension doing the rearranging? And those of you who have done Sashins, seven days of sitting, which I'll be doing one next week, or have done the 90-day practice period, I think those of you who have done Sashins or practice periods know that things happen in the practice period that you can't imagine happening outside of such a format. And although this question

[54:13]

originally dawned on me as a kind of joke, I think it's a real question, which would Socrates and Plato and Aristotle have asked the question know thyself or know yourself in a different way if they had a Sashin or 90-day practice period to explore themselves with? Since you're all, or many of you, are experts, experienced experts on weaving your own and helping others weave their personal narratives,

[55:14]

or how to free people sometimes from their personal narrative. I hope we can have a fruitful discussion. Thank you for making me happy by showing up. And thank you for translating.

[55:52]

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