Now I don't know if this is going to be an easy seminar or difficult. Just if we speak about the heart and the discovery of the heart. Well, if we're not careful, we can't say anything about the heart. It isn't really part of our Western culture. It's a kind of sacred cow. Something taken for granted is central to us human beings. Yeah, and it has a history of romantic philosophy and religious teachings and so forth.

[01:05]

But, you know, I... Foucault... Foucault says someplace... that he believes that teaching is a matter of interrogation, of questioning, repeated questioning. Until you turn an issue or a topic into a problem, Once you turn it into a problem, maybe you can solve it. But unless, till we see the problematics of this issue, it's going to be hard to talk about it in any way that's not conventional.

[02:10]

Yes, it will be difficult to talk about the problem of this topic. And if it isn't a problem, we'll just go on. If we don't see the heart, and I'm using love also right now as a synonym for the heart, we'll just go on leading our life in the way we love. But I think it's pretty clear that love doesn't work very well in our society.

[03:33]

In our society and in our families and in our love relationships. So it's certainly one of the centers that If Western culture makes any sense, it makes sense in terms of the possibility and the fact of loving. Yeah. So let's try to see if we can look, I'd like to try to see if we can look at what, loving might be, is in fact. And from a Buddhist perspective. And then let's see if that perspective is useful in our particular personal lives.

[04:40]

Sometimes we don't know we love until we lose the love. And sometimes we don't know we're loved, perhaps until it's too late. I would say we live in a field of dysfunctional love. I've interrupted, disrupted love. Yeah, that's anyway my feeling. It might not be yours, but that's what I feel and see. At least to a big extent it's true. Okay. But I don't know, what do we mean by heart?

[05:51]

We say heart and mind. Let's win the hearts and minds of the Iraqis. Fat chance. But what do we mean by hearts and minds? Yeah, we don't say heart and brains. So by mind we mean more than the brain. And by heart we mean more than the organ of the heart. Although there are certainly feelings which do seem to be in this area of our chest and our heart. And there are people who can make our heart beat faster.

[07:18]

Now the Japanese have a different word for the organ of the heart than the heart as feeling. But the Chinese and the Japanese, their word for heart as feeling also means mind. So... So mind is also heart in Chinese and Japanese and yogic culture. It's not just the relationship of heart and mind. But I think it means also the feeling that is the basis of thinking.

[08:29]

So here we don't mean mind just as rationality, reason. We mean something like a knowing presence, which is also a feeling presence. And I don't want to try to speak about this to convince you of anything. I want to see if I can show you or at least discover together with you the particular way we might speak of feeling and heart. that's rooted in a certain kind of way mind and body are woven together through meditation and mindfulness.

[09:44]

woven together and articulated. Okay. Now we have this phrase, know thyself. And if you just hear it like that, it sounds like there's a self to know. There's some kind of entity that you can know called the self. Like you might know something about mathematics or baking or something like that.

[11:09]

And what I said earlier today in our prologue day was not know thyself practice, but notice thyself. The words could mean, the self in both phrases could mean the same thing. But I'm taking notice to mean that noticing changes what is noticed. Now Foucault, again, wrote a book called The Care of the Self. It's actually part of his series on sexuality. Published, unfortunately, or published fortunately, but after he died of AIDS.

[12:29]

I think he was the first really famous person to die of AIDS. I know about him. But I think he points out that it really wasn't to know thyself, but to take care of oneself. And we see the two sides of that in the word gymnasium. In Germany it means high school, and in America it means this athletic stadium. You can come in and sit right here. Thank you. This is called love.

[13:49]

That's certainly love. So the care of the self meant the care of mind and body. Now, caring changes. Like noticing, caring changes what's being cared for. Probably not so different than what I mean by notice thyself. No, I'm not trying to coin any notable phrases like notice thyself. I'm just trying to get us thinking, feeling about things.

[14:53]

And the ideas I'm speaking about are ideas rooted in practice. And their validity, validness can be explored in practice. Okay. I also would like us to be able to feel the field of connectiveness in which we live.

[15:54]

And to know that that field of connectiveness is only felt when it's something close to love. Certainly it functions in the realm of acceptance, at least that. But it doesn't function in the realm of comparisons. So from that point of view we're asking what kind of mind does love flow in? Because I'm assuming I'm going to assume that there's an immense kind of field of love that is constantly being disrupted.

[17:13]

Okay. Or, yeah, yeah, I see. Now, I'd like to... I know that this coming Monday we're starting this practice week on the Path of the Breath. Yes, so I shouldn't say anything about the breath until Monday evening. But may I have your permission to say something about the breath this evening? Because it's the way it occurs to me to speak about these ideas in a context of practice, a context in which we can examine these ideas.

[18:32]

Now, in Buddhism we usually say we want to know how things actually exist. Okay. And we can also talk about almost everything in Buddhism as trying to answer the question of how we, how things actually exist. So we have an experience in ourselves of the validity of our existence. And that's rooted in a very deep... That's rooted in a very basic way in the overall conception of Buddhism.

[19:54]

Okay. Because for a Buddhist, there's no outside to this world. There's no outside framework that's the real world. And Buddhism is not a revealed teaching from some realm of truth. So we can't even say really that Buddhism is true. It tries to, we could say, truly let you experience the truth of your existence, something like that.

[20:59]

Then there's numbers of ways we can speak about this need for Buddhism to establish its own validity in each of you, in each of us. Because Buddhism is really only true if you find it true. So that's why this how do things actually exist is such an important, is the center of Buddhism. And no one can tell you, we can tell you, some things and hints, but it doesn't mean much until you experience how things actually exist.

[22:04]

Okay. So tonight, though, Let's speak about how we actually, how you actually exist. Now, if we're going to imagine loving and being loved, who's doing this loving? What's doing this loving? Can we love and can we allow ourselves to be loved? Can we be intimate enough with ourself and the world to be loved and to love?

[23:08]

It's hard to love unless you're willing to be loved. And it's easier to love than it is to... I could say, know how much we are loved. Or to know how much or to allow how much people might like to love us if you'd give us a chance. And to recognize and not shun the responsibility of being loved. This is a conundrum.

[24:11]

We can't think our way into it exactly. We have to dive our way into it, but with a certain wisdom. So, what is... Then we have to ask questions like we talked about today. What is the self, or who are we, etc. ? Well, we need some background or some way in which to experience, have some experience of who and what we are. Okay. Now, we know something about consciousness. And I tried to define earlier today in a number of ways consciousness.

[25:32]

And one of the jobs of consciousness, which I didn't mention, is its identification with the body. And to establish and protect the body. It would be hard to sleep at night if you were in danger. You sleep where you feel safe. Consciousness can relax. So consciousness... gives us a sense of our body, where our body's at, our posture and so forth.

[26:37]

And consciousness can be extended in the sense if you drive a car, you can get... if you're a reasonably good driver, so you can park in very tight spaces, you can feel the size of the car. So consciousness is related to this particular... What do we call it? Being space. But consciousness isn't just the body. Awareness is definitely not just the body. And one of the experiences we have in meditation, if we can let...

[27:40]

go of our thought coverings, because we don't know what's the location of our body exactly. It's very difficult. Silly example, but not silly. You often, in Zazen, can't find your thumbs. They float around in cosmic space. You try to bring them back and, you know, you're saying, where are they? They're somewhere. I know they're down there. They're stuck to my hands. They must be somewhere.

[28:47]

It's like two galaxies or Michelangelo's fingers or something. And finally you find them. Well, you've lost a usual body sense just in sitting. Or if you take this little kid's game and put your fingers like this, and then you tell somebody to touch one, you go, oh. You know, it's not so easy. Which one they point and which one... If you don't touch it, it's quite hard to do it.

[29:52]

It means we know our body through its thought covering, not from the inside. Tomorrow we bow to the Buddha this way. Because if you confuse, make a simple confusion of left or right, the thought coverings get all mixed up. Left, right, left. Now, it's an actual experience in meditation when thought coverings drop away and you find your body alive in some kind of new way. And I would call that something like being space.

[31:07]

Body isn't a sufficient word for it, but let's say being space. But it still has a location. But without thought coverings, how do you locate it? I mean, it's like, you know, you can commonly feel somebody looking at you from behind. You turn around and there's somebody looking at you. By gosh! Science can't explain it, but we have that feeling. So our being space extends to, you know, around the room, maybe between cars at a stoplight, you know. But I don't feel anybody looking at me in Heidelberg.

[32:17]

So even if I feel you looking at me when I turn this way, I don't feel you if you're much farther away. So even this subtle being space has a location. And it's located pretty much around this body. Sometimes when you go to sleep, you can feel yourself up at the ceiling, or some people can, but still it's pretty near the body.

[33:21]

And there are the whole aspects of non-local knowing. That's very strong sometimes between twins or when somebody dies. But that's not really part of our practice. That's in the category of Buddhism of the intermediate world. Things that happen in special circumstances. But for most of us, we can't practice with them or practice them.

[34:23]

Okay. So what I'm saying is our being space has some location. Now I'm trying to just speak about now know oneself, notice oneself. So I'm asking you to notice, I'm trying to create a rather big category of noticing, big territory of noticing. Now, it helps to have some kind of feeling of a center in this being space. And some practices are meant to establish this feeling of a center. And the breath is one of them. Okay. So let me just give you, not a basic breath practice, just a little experiment in breathing.

[35:50]

Now, just to say, basic breath practice is to have a feeling of the exhale comes out of your nose, makes a circle, and comes in from below and up. And that gives us a very basic, stable way to breathe that doesn't stop in meditation or when we concentrate. Now what I'm going to suggest is that when you inhale, you feel the inhale as if it were coming in from below. And so your chest is not so involved.

[37:03]

It's your diaphragm that's involved in the breathing. So let your breathing come up about a third of the way. And then stop and let it melt. Kind of spreads through the body in a certain way. Then bring your breath up about another third of the way. And stop and let that permeate the body. And then let The breath go the rest of the way up into the tips of the lungs and shoulders. And let that permeate and melt in the whole body. And then at the top of the breath, pause for a moment.

[38:05]

And again, this feeling of melting. And then exhale gently and smoothly all the way with mindful attention. And then pause at the bottom and that melting feeling again. And then let it come up again in these three steps. No, I'm only doing this to, you know, I'm suggesting this only that you try it a few times.

[39:23]

As a kind of exercise. To feel how breath permeates the body. And it permeates it differently in each of these stages, and we arbitrarily, I'm picking three. Yeah. So that's five, you know, one, two, three, four. One, two, three, four, five, actually six, and then a pause at the bottom. Now, what you're doing when you do that is you're also simply articulating your breath. They're kind of increasing, as I said earlier today, something like the attentional surface.

[40:42]

You're creating more articulation or topography of the breath to bring attention to. As I say, attention is your most precious possession. And breath is one of your most necessary possessions. I heard a little joke recently. Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out. This is necessary. If you don't do this, enlightenment is the least of your problems.

[41:44]

So when we bring this the preciousness of our breath, of our attention to our precious breath, some kind of change of both breath and attention happens. Then there is a change of both breath and attention. Now you can ask yourself a question.

[42:51]

Nun, du kannst dich jetzt eine Frage fragen. Who is breathing? Wer atmet? So you've created some kind of inner attentive breath topography. Also du hast so eine innere aufmerksame Atemtopografie kreiert. And if you're more experienced, you can have a feeling of prana breath or subtle breath in your backbone. And you can ask, who is breathing? And try to notice what kind of who is breathing. Yeah, I'm just trying to get us to sort of, in a very direct sense, clear sense, to notice this feeling of who is breathing.

[43:58]

And I would suggest three different whos. A very personal who or a personal you. The person we are in our most private thoughts. If we're capable of being honest with ourselves. Who we really want to be. Who we really think we are. So anyway, whatever is your most private or personal sense of the wholeness of you, the self of you.

[45:03]

Now, you can make your own targets of noticing. But I'm suggesting these three. This private, personal self. And then what I could call a social self. The self in which you compare yourself to others. or discover how much others are a part of yourself. Now, the negative dynamic is when you compare yourself favorably or unfavorably to others.

[46:04]

The positive dynamic is when this social sense, how you care, not compare with yourself to others, with others. For others. Part of this inventory of noticing is when do we compare, when do we care? And how deeply do we need to compare ourselves favorably or unfavorably? How much of it is almost a kind of compulsive comparing?

[47:12]

Again, if you want to know yourself and the one who loves and can be loved, To know the heart of yourself. Then I think it's useful to have this sense of what's my most personal inner self, what's my social self in relationship to others. And third, what is our societal self? Our job. How we relate to the world. Politics.

[48:23]

Our outrage at the way the world is. another kind of self. Some people don't care much about the societal thing and they're quite wonderful in their personal family. And some people are quite noble in their societal self and they're caring for others, terrible in their family. I don't mean it's always the case or has to be the case. But the fact that it is the case... me shows, I think shows that these are kinds of three different persons, the social, the personal and the societal.

[49:38]

And you can kind of probe this feeling and get some clarity about it by asking, who is breathing? Is there one who or what shapes does this who take? Okay, now the fourth thing I'd ask you to notice is what is breathing? And the fourth thing I encourage you to notice is, what is breathing? Again, as I said earlier, if you ask, what is breathing, you'll have quite a different feeling than if you ask, who is breathing.

[50:41]

And as I mentioned, when you ask, what is breathing, it has a completely different feeling than when you ask, who is breathing. So you ask, what is the what-ness of this life? Now, you know, Buddhism emphasizes compassion and wisdom. There are two intertwined dynamics. And in a realized person there are two faces of the same thing. Now is compassion love? Is compassion knowing through the heart or feeling with the heart?

[52:03]

Is compassion more the embodied soul? And are Western words soul and heart even useful in talking about this? Okay, so I'm suggesting you ask four questions so far. And this isn't philosophy or something like that. You have to find this out for yourself. This is medicine. This is a prescription. It's a prescriptive teaching. You have to take it to make it work. Okay. So that's four. Personal, social, society, societal, and what is breathing?

[53:21]

Now let's add a fifth. I'm going to stop after the fifth. Don't get nervous. Is Buddha breathing? What do we mean if we say, by Buddha we don't mean the social self, the personal self, the societal self? Is there some sort of Sangha self that's breathing? There's some sort of mutual self that's breathing. And Bart Hellinger says a kind of interesting thing.

[54:26]

Who? Bart Hellinger. He says that the mother... I think something like this. The mother ought to best love the child through the father. And the father best loves the child through the mother. Does that make any sense? What kind of field of love is possible when you love someone through others? What if I say I love Paul?

[55:34]

He's sitting here in front of me. Why not? He can take the heat. But what if I say that my deepest love for Paul is through others? My deepest love for any one of you or each of you. I don't want to embarrass you by saying I love you, but let's not get too schmaltzy here. But say that I do say I love each of you. What is that? Do we have to redefine love a bit? What if I say, I love each of you most deeply through loving others? What kind of who is that?

[56:48]

That's good enough for this evening. And it's a little after nine. Thank you very much. Thank you for translating. You're welcome. In this corner, and maybe we could open a window somewhere, another window, until you freeze and then close it. Mr. Muller.

[58:00]

Yeah, just Thursday I came here from Denver. And so I'm trying to get into this time zone. So I was able to sleep nine hours or so last night. I only woke up just a little while ago. And during the night, there's this funny space that's populated by images and so-called dreams. And then I'm suddenly here, and now I'm populated by you. It's the same kind of space, actually.

[59:25]

Maybe I could just fall asleep here now and dream you all every day. But I do think we need some kind of, with a title like this, what a title, Discovery of the Heart, oh my gosh. We need some kind of exorcism. To kind of bring up in ourselves all the so-called evil spirits. Yeah, and all, whatever we feel as positive. Yeah. Because, I mean, whatever we mean by heart, we must mean something positive, right? So how can we get to something positive?

[60:42]

When I sat down here and discovered my posture, partially discovered my posture, I thought of a few months ago when we first got to return to Crestone. I watched Sophia sitting on the couch with a bunch of things happening at once. The dog Igor, which is a great Pyrenees mountain dog and is about as big as a small horse,

[61:45]

Igor's head is half of Sofia's body. So Igor is doing something, I'm telling her to do something, Marie-Louise is telling her to do something. And I watched her sit on the couch and find her posture in the midst of all this. You don't have to translate that perfectly. And find her composure. and their composure. Locate composure? It's something like holding. The same.

[62:58]

Yes, exactly. The inner holding. This is your translating team here. Yeah. Paul can polish the English. Um... But I thought, how does she know that? How does she know she has to find herself first before she deals with all these things? I mean, I didn't ever consciously teach her such a thing. It seems to be a kind of biological, psychological knowledge. To find yourself.

[64:00]

Yeah. And I wonder if she'll remember it when she's older. Maybe it's something we tend to forget. I think we come to practice with the discoveries. Are they finding themselves? with the discovery that somehow in such a simple act of finding our posture we also find ourself. Now what do I mean by find ourself? I have some feeling when I say the word, but I couldn't write down a definition.

[65:19]

So by exorcism I mean I find it useful myself to ask myself somehow the translating the impetus to find myself into a question, into questions, helps me notice myself. And again, as I've been said in the prologue, David, and I think last night, that our practice is to find ways to notice what we're doing.

[66:56]

Yes, it's always a problem. We kind of lie to ourselves. Whether or not lie, it's just that we can't deal with the truth. Or I don't know. Yes, we deal with the truth, but there's some way we aren't really naked with ourselves. And in this practice often helps. So here I'm speaking about this act of discovery. How do we discover anything?

[68:00]

What is the process of discovery? Yeah, since I just came from, and still in the midst of, I think of what Tendo Nyojo, who was Dogen's teacher, said about practice period. Tendo Nyojo. That guy. Um... He said, now that we've entered practice period, you are forming the true structure of practice. Well, I mean, you're not in practice period, but I think you'd like to form the true structure of practice.

[69:14]

Why form the true structure of practice? What's your motivation to do so? Is Sophia's biological, psychological kind of finding a composure? Is this something like the true structure of practice? And in our more complex, widely extended lives, how do we find the true structure of practice? He says again, now that you've entered the practice period, you can form the true structure of practice and carve a cave in emptiness. And if you accomplish both, you enter the lacquer bucket.

[70:40]

You enter? The lacquer bucket. If I tell you that, none of you will come to practice period. Who wants to enter a lacquer bucket? Is the lacquer wet or dry? Well, this is partly just Zen talk. We have to get used to it. Lacquer bucket, you know, in those days they... Mostly didn't have metal. Metal was... They had iron or something, but... They had, you know, dishes, which we call in English china, and they had lacquerware, wooden bowls with lacquer on it.

[71:48]

And when you make a lacquer bowl or bucket like our orioke bowl, they have to paint layer after layer after layer of this thin stuff from what plant? Mulberry? I think so. Anyway, and it's poisonous and they have to do it. I've watched them do it, you know. They have a whole layer of... Line of bowls, and they lacquer one and lacquer it and lacquer it, and then they come back to the beginning and they lacquer it and lacquer it. I mean, many, many times they go down the line and redo it with another layer.

[72:49]

And it shines, and you can't really, when you look into it, you can't tell where you are, where the bottom is. So is the point of practice spirit to not tell where you are? Do you know where you are right now? Yeah, we know where we are. There's some kind of comparison, some kind of relevance to where we are, relatedness. Do we really know where? Isn't there another way and we don't know where we are if we take away those comparisons?

[73:52]

Then what is carving out a cave in emptiness? Carving out a cave in emptiness. Are each of us in a cave of emptiness? It's actually kind of exciting. And I'd like to approach this topic as if it were something sacred. I'd like us to approach and feel ourselves as something sacred. Because it's a fact that each of us is something sacred.

[75:05]

Can we feel our own sacredness again? I think in some ways to say something like to feel our own sacredness goes against the basic moral principle of Western culture, which is, I think, hubris. Pride goeth before a fall. And it's funny because in Buddhism, and it's even hard to say this, Buddhism emphasizes a certain pride or proud feeling in just being alive. It's not about comparing yourself with others, it's just certain pride in being alive.

[76:13]

We can have a certain pride, we expect a certain sacredness or feeling of pride in a baby, or we feel it about a baby. Yes, in Japan you can feel old men and women exaggerate their age. They might be 78. I tell you, they're 92. Look how I look. I'm 92. And they feel a certain pride in being alive, you know, at 92. But in between, we're supposed to be modest. Yeah.

[77:17]

So I really encourage us, without too much hubric overload, to feel certain sacredness in your own being space. Also ich ermutige dich, ohne zu übertreiben, dich in diesem heiligen Raum zu fühlen. And what is it that makes it worth being alive? Und was macht es wertvoll, lebendig zu sein? This kind of exercising question, I find it useful to ask. Ja, es scheint mir nützlich, diese untersuchende Frage zu stellen. What makes it worth being alive? When do I feel best? When do I feel most at ease? Yeah. Perhaps alone driving my car. Yeah. But if you were always alone, you wouldn't feel happy being alone driving your car.

[78:39]

Only when you're alone, in contrast to not being alone, do we feel happy driving our car. That was a translation test. Did she pass? I'm glad you didn't ask me to say it again. Yeah, when do you feel most at ease? When do you feel most alive? These are questions I think get periodically Once a year, every few months, it's useful to really ask yourself and see if you can find an answer.

[79:41]

When do I feel good about myself? And if you practice this, you know, Finding a sort of center in your breathing, as I suggested last evening. Okay, so we've asked ourself, we're asking ourself, when do I feel most alive? Do we ask, who is it that feels alive? Does that undercut the experience?

[80:43]

And so if we do this breathing, centering breathing kind of exercise I suggested, And then you ask yourself, who is breathing? Or what kind of who is breathing? Social, society, etc. Well, you can notice your lungs. You can notice your breathing. And if you look at something, a tree, you can notice very clearly the tree. But can we, with any similar vividness, notice who is seeing the tree? And yet we can't imagine seeing the tree without some sense of an observer at least, the act of observing.

[82:09]

What is it to How do we name this act of observing as a who? And how does this continuity of observing, the continuities I always emphasize we need, What is this continuity of observing? Are we the prisoner or the gift of this continuity of observing? You know, practice assumes you're going to try to answer this question, answer questions like this.

[83:14]

Because you're living your decades in the conditions of this observer. If you observe the observer, what happens? Can you sometimes be free of the observer? And then, if we are sometimes free of the observer, how does that change our perception? sense of the world and of other people. One of the things that I find funny in sesshins and, yeah, sesshins and practice period,

[84:22]

In Sashin we often do outside kinhin, outside walking. And quite often people report to me during the Sashin That they sat for seven days, you know, from early in the morning to late in the evening. And yet their most vivid experiences during the Sashin were during this outside walking. They took this... Yeah, you're walking along with various people. Somebody, usually the Eno, is leading it, like David's the Eno now during this week. So he'd be leading it, so we're in sort of his pace.

[85:55]

And the pace of others. And it's a walk we could probably, some did take just by themselves. And walks by ourselves or with a friend are often quite vivid. Something happens in the context of sashin walking with others. Many people have a very vivid experience of just seeing a leaf, you know. So we can ask, what world is this when a leaf is so vivid that we feel refreshed, alive through this vivid leaf? Is this the discovery of the heart?

[87:06]

Is this the discovery of vividness? Is this the discovery of... It's worth being alive? I don't know, I'm just asking questions because I'm trying to find questions with you that bring us into the sacredness of our particular lived life. Ich weiß es nicht. Ich versuche einfach, Fragen mit euch zu finden, die uns gemeinsam in diesen Raum führen, diesen heiligen Raum der Lebendigkeit. Now, if you said to somebody outside of this room,

[88:07]

this seminar oh well we went to this Zen place and they said when do you really feel your life you're alive oh great that was interesting was it worth the weekend yes it's an obvious question But I'm asking you this question. We're asking ourselves this question, I hope. And in the context of also finding our posture and breathing and the zazen and right now, So the question might, if you're skeptical of sincerity, the question has power from ancient times till now.

[89:12]

in our nakedness at least. Some kind of nakedness is necessary if we're going to get outside our thought coverings, our cultural habits and so forth. Und eine gewisse Nacktheit ist notwendig, wenn wir aus unseren kulturellen Denkschichten heraustreten. If you could this weekend, if one or two of us this weekend discover our heart. Also wenn ein oder zwei Personen an diesem Wochenende ihr Herz entdecken. How do we want to take this word? Discover the heart of our life. Discover the way we'd like life most to be. Then, I mean, if this is a possibility, this is...

[90:34]

or happens, this is something extraordinary in our decades of living. Then here we are in a Buddhist context, Zen Buddhist context. And generally we don't emphasize heart, we emphasize emptiness. What is emptiness in the context of discovering the heart? Carving out a cave in the heart. No, no. Carving out a cave in emptiness.

[91:52]

Does that make room for the fullness of the heart? Yes. I don't know what the word heart means. But I know on Valentine's Day I like to send a little heart to Sophia or Marie-Louise or each of you. So it represents something to me, but I couldn't really tell you what it is, but it makes me feel good to send you a heart. I remember when I was in... Sixth grade.

[92:55]

Sixth grade in Bethel, Pennsylvania. It was on Valentine's Day. And the custom was everyone sent Valentine's to everyone else. And I had a big crush on the girl who sat in front of me. So I asked her, who did you really want to send a valentine to? And she said, I can't tell you. So I said, did you want to send it to David? And she said, no. I said, did you want to send it to Hans? She said, no.

[93:57]

Peter, no. Paul, no. So we named every boy Peter. And she said no every time. Only I was left. And it was about a year later I realized she must have meant me. Sometimes we don't know who loves us. And then there's Tolstoy, who went to the latter part of his life, could not stand the suffering of the poor he saw in Moscow.

[94:59]

And he... said, quoting the Bible, I think St. Luke, what then must we do now? How do we cope not only with our own situation, but this kind of world we live in? How do we find our heart in this scale of this world? What then must we do now? Okay, why don't we sit for a few minutes and take a break? Let's sit for a few minutes and then take a break.

[96:13]

Who is sitting? What is sitting? What is sitting? Does that have anything to do with finding your composure in sitting? Does that have anything to do with finding your attitude in sitting?

[96:37]

@Transcribed_UNK
@Text_v005
@Score_75.66